hot as an oven

HALLOWEEN STRESSSES ME OUT!
now.
but not later.
later will be fine.
i will be better once I figure it all out.
I have a few different choices here.
great.
i couldnt even choose what candy to buy today.i walked up and down the aisle about 17 times.
it all seemedlike a RIP OFF!
2.99 for 3pieces of candy ina large bag.
it doesnt matter.
I cant wait to go trick or treating.

You Are 68% Sociopath

The good news is that you're devastatingly charming. The bad news? You mostly use those charms for evil!

Are You A Sociopath?

tomorrow night is gonna be a taco night

the peopleat the party who actually took some good picturesshould really email me some.
i think it is a bad thing to have a superiority complex.
does no good.
sostopthinking you are BETTER!
i dont wanna give awya any clues about my life.
spiderman 3 looks a litttle freaky. MAY 4th!
seemsfar away but not really.
I dont really even care about spiderman i guess.
or do i?
i carved a pumpkin today and it made me wanna carve another.
i may go buy somemore pumpkins right NOW!

some movie managers came across as douche bags to me today.
it all happened when I bought some MILKDUDS and JR.MINTS and the sign said $2.50.
but I was charged $2.75 a box! AND so I pointed out that the sign said $2.50 casue i only had a 5 dollar bill and then a bunch of managers came over and they all had a manager meeting about the sign and how to fix it and why it happened and WHO DID IT and i just stood there and FINALLY I SAID CAN I HAVE MY FUCKEN CANDY!??!I DICKHEADS!?
and then one manager says YEAH I GUESS ITS FINE.
oh thank you movie manager thank you forletting me pay 2.50 a boxforthisyummy box of candy.
I felt that it was ridiculous.
and so I RAN back to the theatre.

in that wave it was a success

I like whne I am trying to talk and I have a specific plan for the flow of the conversation and then some BYSTANDER POPS IN AND STEALS THE FLOW. and it turns intosome bullshit about catching spiders with a cup.
but ionly like it becasue I am NOT a control freak. thats why I canlike something like that.
I just love bullshit.
and that makes me ahead.
because if you dont loveit you HATE it and then YOU FAIL.
I like watching primetimeprograms during the day TIME!
and I love taking care of problems. your problems. my problems and definitly THEIR problems.
mostly myproblems.
i am gonna wear knee highs today.
everything feels so good.
its cause November is coming.
OH NO! I had some reallllly bad dreamslast night BUT it wasnt so bad.
really it was fine.

because she looked backwards

PINKISH PURPLE PORTION OF MY PHOTOS PREETTTTY MUUCH.
I really hurt my littlest toe the other day.
It all happened when I kicked a ladder.
saturday morning around 1 am. dont confuse sunday with saturday.
so I badly hurt my tiniest toe.
saturday morning 1 am.
kicked ladder.
my right foot.
baby toe.
hurt.
bad.
but I didnt even cry.
I didnt make a sound.
wanna know why????
CAUSE I AM TOUGH!
and I just ate two of the most deliciouschocolate cupcakes!
I need to wash my face.
FUHCK I LOVE THAT SONG!! The my baby's on the level song!
you know what I am talking about.
But do you know that I FUHCKING LOVEIT?
LOVE.

SHE MAY HAVE

My hallooweeen party did not turn out as wellas I had hoped.
But thats cause I am a bad hostess.
and I missesd church this morning for no good reason.
and the air show just started casue I JUST HEARD THE ba! BOOM!! BOOM!!
so I gotta go.
I want new shoes today.
more pics LATER!
GATER!

DO YOU SEE THAT STUFF OVER THERE?

I am busy.
and I need some dry ice.

REALLY VERY NICE AND GOOD

yes good job. job well done.
bravo.
i am sure I need to see sometype of professional.
today I made a few U turns and a few stops along the way.
I got a littel dizzy.
a lady blessed me in walmart today.
I really needed that.
one thing that I TRULY TRULY NEEDED WAS LIMEAND WATERMELON JELLO!!
and I didnt even GET IT!
crummy buttons.
i should have a list.
would a listhelpme accomplish goals?
or what?
i dont think a list would help.
i will figureit all out. thanks.

protect my situation

I am in the middle of 100 things my eyes are DRY and i have nothing to say that is the least bit interesting.
but I do have this EXCITING AND AMAZING picture to show of this little girl and her mommy who has on some very largesunglasses.
at a marina.
one day i will own a boat.
and SAIL THE WORLD.
but I actually want like a SPEED boat.
so i guess I have to get two boatS!
BUT i have to go play with blocks now.
and then later I dont know what the hell is gonna happen.
sorry.

THE BEST MISSION IMPOSSIBLE YET!!

I REAAALLLY WANT WANT WANT A PEDICURE!!!a fancy one. with like aromatherapy. tomorrow.
my usual maid ladies didnt come. two dfferents girls.
fuck i can nOT TPYE!
anyways these ladies were really friendly and even left me a happy note.
these OTHER girls that were in my house told me a story about how they were at a stoplight and somemexican girl got out of her car and threw a drink at them.
they both had soda pop all over them.
I guess they were laughing and the B word got out of the BACKSEAT of this car and SAID "OH YOU THINKSOMETHINGS FUNNY?" and then threw the beverage at them.
ISWEATOCHRIST THAT IF THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME ANY TIME AROUND NOW I WOULD FUCKNG lOSE MY MOTHAFUCKENMIND!
I would.
I wouldchase that car down and killsomeone.
imay feel real real bad about it afterwards but i dont think I would be thinking about the afterwardspart
while wet, sticky, and sweet with sodapop.
Its better to keepyercool though.
but still enough would be enough.
this world has gone haywire.
I watched MONTELWILLIAMS today
he is always high.
that fortune teller lady was on.
SUSAN??
the wholeshowwasannoying. the audience was full of lesbians and other types of people.
and I ate two roast beef sandwiches today.

"The form of the monster on whom I had bestowed existence was forever before my eyes, and I raved incessantly concerning him."

i am kinda anxious to drive around the town and run red lights and try to out run TRAINS!
Frankenstien was delivered to my home today by two men and when I thanked them and asked if they wanted a glass of water.
they said no thank you. and they left.
i have to go fuck with shit.

Once upon a time........

1996.
the cats name is Merlin.

Although she kept calm, she took his death hard.

wanna hear something coool about my evening??
OK!
I hit back some viccoodinsearlier around 8ish.
shameless I know.
anyways I thought about taking 3 but realized 2 would suffice.
and its socool cause like 30minutes after i took em I got all hot and sweaty and then I PUKED UP SOMESTUFF out of my stomach. was it the pills? are they gone? I have one more. hahahahahah FUCKIAMFUNNY.
funny stupid.
saying the f word is easy. so is slouching.
but anyways i caused myslef to puke. silly me.
sillyfuckinggoosehead me.
none of this will last much longer so dont worry your pretty little head.
you worry wart.
OHGOD today I happened to glance over to the car next to me and I saw this guy that had BIG warts all over his body.
he must have been a warlock.
i hate even talking about it in fear that I may one day recieve a wart. its sad really.
i hate my way of thinking.
I guess I have been mad all my life.
If you people out there COULD HEAR HOW I SPEAK!
you'd be shocked.
I have a horrible tongue.
I should have my jaw wired shut.

i want to wring myself out.

mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ME AND MY DELICATE CONSTITUTION CAN GO TO HELL

SOMETIMES I listen to the shittyest music! right now I am listening to the shittyest shit.
I should be stripping ALL the beds in my house and cleaning the sheets and stuff.
and buying jello.
soon i will be leaving my house.
for more eating out.
i had some poppycock and a banana for breakfast.
do you remember when I told you that wishing on a star either shooting or sitting still causes me panic?
and birthday candle wishes too?
cause I always fuck up my sentence and the wish ends up making NO sense whatsoever.
my best move would be to not make any wishes.
i wish I wanted nothing.
I am gonna buy a new ALBUM today.
i am turning thirteen years old soon.

a worthless contract

Father Joe showed up in church today.
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We’ve got a line in the sky, radar love.
okay.
he explained to me that pride is unhealthy socially and spiritually.
Pride is destructive.
and humility is life giving.
hearing all this made me worry cause sometimes i do feel pretty magnificent but other times I feel very insignificant.
and then there is the something inbetween.
so maybe I am safe.
but maybe not.
I dont even care.
I NEEEEEEED NEW JEEEEAANS.
i guess my ass is a wee bit bigger in the 06 then it was in the 05.
I cant decide if thats a good thing or not.
I guess not a good thing.
I need to watch my ass.

heres another fact:
I KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE CAR BUSINESS.

WOKE UP AND WISHED IT WAS OVER

not sure what to do at this point. either way its screwed.
I want to communicate.
Its challenging for me to leave things alone. the unknown isscary tome.
unsettled and unresolved leaves me restless and eager.
less than a week till the halloweenparty. SO YEAH.
and church is extremely bad lately. I dont know what happpened there?
the pretty families stopped coming?
Father Joe is missing?
Deacons walk around now and make everyone feel the uncomfortable feeling.
and the singing lasts forever.
my gramma doesnt stand up and down anymore.
she stays seated.
i love my gramma.

I JUST CANT TELL YOU GOODBYE

RANDOM RANDOM.
My tummy keeps growling really loud at me for no reason at all.
I ate some nachos, jr. mints, milk duds, and red wine in my movie this evening.
the movie i saw sucked and I dont wanna review it so forget about the movie cause thats what i gonna do.
i am not home.
I still have to drive home.
its late.
people post pics of their babies on myspace?
are you serious?
*A MEAN lady yelled at me today and so i told her to mind her OWN business and then she informed me that MY business WAS HER business.
I hate strangers.
i just want to be loved and to give love.
please forgive me.

cause god you are

no I am wrong. I am the one with the issue.
sorry that I chat online. sorry i blog. sorry I smoke pot. sorry i drink wine. sorry i complain. Sorry i take pictures of myself. Sorry you hate me. Sorry I do anything. Sorry. sorry I feel sorry for myself. sorry I seek attention. Sorry for everything I do wrong.
it is clear to me now that I am just a sorry loser.
I have no substance.
there.
Thank you.

wellhere is another fucking uselesspost.

I am trying to trick myselfinto the thinking that the sober feels good because it feels so different than the unsober.
and please do take this to mean about a thousand different things. none of which are true.
I just fucking remembered that REAL WORLD season EIGHTFUCKINGTEEN will be arriving on television screens in early november 8th or something. so yeah. i guess I dont care. but I do. i so do care about the REALWORLD SEASON 18.
the truth is I care about it more than my own life.
I wanna be truthful to you and say that i really think the fan should be turned on.
it is too hot in this fucking room.
DREAM UPDATE!!!!!!!!!:
in some of my dreams last night i was swimming in icy ocean water with large fish and sharks below and I was doing my best to hold onto my son and keep him calm.
i dont really like the dreams with the sharks and ocean water.
but lets not talk about that.
lets talk about LOVE AND WAR! and how ALL IS FAIR!

THIS IS THE LUCKY DAY

there are about to be a lot of good movies hitting the theatres soon. so GET READY!
i'd really like to get my claws on some of those choose your own adventure books.
and a pack a marlboro reds.
I have a STRONG FEELING that One day i wont be able to stand the sight or sounds of anything Sienfeld.
I will literally be unable to watch Sienfeld.
i already feel that way about certain cd's i own and maybe even some entire BANDS! I just cant listen anymore.
thats fucking sad and stupid.
not being allowed to enjoy something you love because you start to love it too much.
i am going to be asking my mother for some help this weekend.
i'd be better off turning to God.
I wish that God was really the Lion from NARNIAand I wish he could help me.
i think
my head is splitting in two.
I may not blog again until November.
KEEPIT REALPIMPSAND HOES!

PARANOIA IS MY BEST FRIEND

I STOLE FOUR PAIRS OF SURGICAL GLOVES FROM A DOCTORS OFFICE EARLIER TODAY!
i thought I grabbed like TWENTY PAIRS but it turns out only four.
maybe thats not interesting to you but it is to me.
I should have stolen the whole fucking box.
I need to carry bigger bags.
i should also carry a GUN.
stun gun?
or pepper spray.
some type OF WEAPON!




I know a lot about myself.
i am interesting and stuff.

THE NEXT ONE NOW

when my door bell rings and I am not expecting it BUT sometimes even if I AM expecting it I FREAK OUT!> i quicky go ever all the choices of visitors.
is it my mother and one of her lunatic friends? is it the overly creepy christian women coming to explain how Jesus will help me deal with the elderly??
leavemealone.
I am watching the curious george movie.
i wanna have my phones turned off too.
THESE strangers call every twenty three minutes!
holy holler!
this curious george movie sucksbad.
it makes no sense. HOW COULD IT SUCK SO BAD?
but sometimes there are funnyparts.
like these voices in the background/ one litte girl voice says "he thinks hes a banana" and its sounds so cute and little.
and I am goign to say it over and over again all day just for myself.
I do voices.
i need a siesta.

dont get comfortable

i sleept on the floor for a large portion of the night. i am going to go back to sleeep now. this week is not going well.
just neverfuckingmind.
*i guess I can not go back to sleep.

TAKE HEED

NOTHING FAILS.
You may not believe it but I have accomplished lots today.
I SAVED SOMETHING.
AND I TAUGHT A BIRD HOW TO FLY.
i want a fucking TREE for my birthday.

TAKE A BREATH TAKE A BIG DEEP BREATH

the lense on my camera is ruined.
so now I got it in my head that I need a new camera.
I just got this one less then a yr ago but i still need a new one. I am lucky this one lasted as long as it has.
REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS DROPPEDAND THE LENSE HAD TO BE FORCEDBACK INTO POSTITION??
and It wasnt my fault. not really. I handed the girl the cameraand then I instructedher to get up onto a chair toget the best view. maybe I should not care about pictures.
some people dont even own A camera.
I have gone through about 5 in the last 4 years.
thats illogical.
I will just keep this camera. till it dies.
or until I get a new one.
my next camera I will buy from Costco.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I can see all the problems. and I understand all the reasons for all the problems. and I nkow what has to be done tosolveall the problems. my house is a mess. and I have had PANCAKES TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW FOR DINNER. what is this here? IHOP?
PINK FLOYD will helpme today. DAVID GILMOUR to be EXACT. he will be my light.
I know what I have to do I know the way to go.
I will start in the kitchen and work my way to the bedroom.
crying can feel good.
almost as good as masterbation.
actuallymaybe better.
YES.
crying feels better.
maybe both together?
I am afraid that I may be losing my grip entirely.
but I am kidding of course.
just joking around.
masterbation is the devilswork.
and crying is gods?
I sound like an idiot.
thats good.
I dont cry or masterbate.
just to be clear.

a sudden or abrupt change in direction or course

well turns out that I dont like that 50cent book and WHAT I REALLY WANT IS A BOOK ABOUT XZIBIT! BUt I am not sure if he has a book out. but whatever i dont really care. I should read more but i dont.
what is with my eagerness?
I am eager.
lousy with devotion. the intensity of it all. A constant soreness. throbbing.
biting.
crushing my sparkle.
that is silly.

EAT YOUR STUPID FUCKING BEANS AND RICE

I AM having a MEGA BAD DAY.
my head is POUNDING and I think that everone HATES me.
OH BOY. WHAT. A. MESS.
thats the truth.
I takeownership to allmy troubles.
my eyes burn too but they are as blue as satan.
did you know satans true colors are hues of blue?
true blue.
what is true?
i saw some domestic violence outside my bedroon window.
the guy was being very aggresive with a lady and I almost shot him.
he pulled her out of the car and ripped her jacket off.
she was probably being a stupid retard
and I have been callled stupid and retarded.
I am sure an EARTHQUAKE IS GOIGN TOKILL USALL VERY SOON.
it happened in HAWAII I GUESS>
HA! all those people on their fancy vacation.
MY XM radio has been cancelled casue I forgottopaythe bill.
fuck me.
my head isntpounding as much rightnow.
Iam sureit willstart up again soon.

you smell like a banana

BABOONS ARE FUCKING SCARY AND I DO NOTLIKE THEM.
and they kidnapp children. whats their problem?
i could never live in an area where baboons roamed freely.
NO WAY. And If I did I would have to carry around a shotgun and I would be forced to kill every baboon I saw.

and their babies are really ugly.

theyre here I know theyre here but where are they

FRICKINGFRACK! who cares?
uh I hung out with my mom.
and my grandma.
at once.
but thats over for now.
NOW I AM watching me some HOCUS POCUS.
my son likes the SEXY BLONDE best. he told me.
its funny to me cause he is 4 but already knows what he likes.
shes my favorite hocus pocus witch too.
soorrry if you dont know what HOCUS POCUS IS!
ITS A MOVIE!
WITH BETTERMIDLER!
and a talking BALCK CAT.
wake up and smell the cofffee beans.
i dont wanna link shit. dont feel like it.
I have been seriously considering picking me up another pet.
like a doggy or a kitty.
my gramma kae says PUSSY CAT and i just wish she wouldnt.
another reason my moms house sucks dick is that her cats are constantly trying to run out the door and SHE doesnt want them out so you gotta be all careful to NOT LET THE gatos out. its stressful.
if the black one gets out ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AND PEOPLE END UP CRYING and RUNNING and telling each other to fuck off and die.
I could go on but forget it. you should just come and see.
fuck this blog.
and fuck you for thinking that You KNOW ANYTHIIING!!!
I want to live forever.

DO YOU FIND ME TO BE SWEET AND NAIVE?

SILLY ME FORGOT TO MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!!
i am premenstrual.

COULD it be anything other than the truth??

THATS THE BEAUTY SCHOOL!
I am obsessed with that stupid experience.
i can not stop talkign or thinking about it.
It was like A TWILIGHT ZONE scene.
I dont know how to handle some situations.
and I feel kinda MOODY today. thats cool though.
I will take a nap and stuff.
I am nervous about this weekend and have no clue why. SOmetimes i guess I just get nervous.
My MOM interaction is down to ZERO and so I feel that makes things all the more TENSE?
and there is a FALL FESTIVAL thats goin down down the street.
I HAVE to goto THAT! I HAVE TO! no wway OUT! but thats alright.
i really function just fine.
sometimes i think there are hidden messages TOME in other peoples blog posts.
I AM VAIN!
GOD! SOMETIMES I JUST HATE MYSELF.
wouldnt it be weirdif GOD was on the internet and kept up on all our blogs and then one day he told us what he really really thought.
whoever GOD is!
i bet god would treat me the same way that DRPHIL would treat me.