Thursday, June 30, 2005

Jake Blues

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There he is. Our new pussy cat.
He is sticking his tongue out.
Whata PUNK!
No he is a sweet boy.

All I Really Want is Some Peace MAN!

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What it all comes down to is I haven't got it all figured out just yet.

Just roll with it.
Just slide with it.
That is all.

Be relaxed.
Become calm like the sea.
But is the sea really all that calm?
Crazy stuff happens out there.
But crazy stuff is what keeps the calmness calm.
I guess.
How would we recognize calm with out the crazy?

Whatever! all I know is what I know.
And that isn't much.

Now I will go clean up some dog throw up.
Just yesterday I was talking to that slice of pink girl, about pet vomit.
And I was thinking how my dog never does that stuff.
Give me a flipping break.

Do I not choose my own destiny or WHAT!?!


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I am hungry!

never satisfied.

more please.

Maybe I will have another.

Sure I will take one, Thank YOu!

Neverending PIT AM I!

Will anything complete me?

ha ha how deep.


I am just going to have some more wine and a D FOOK N LiCiouS Drumstick.

And I mean the ice cream not some nasty chicken leg thing.

Then I really should sleep.

Let my thoughts digest and such.

But i won't. I will just lay around thinking more thoughts.

But I have faith that tomorrow will be a good day.

Today was I good day.

What are the chances really?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Monday, June 27, 2005


Crispy Cream donuts for late snack last night and now for early breakfast.

I eat so many that I start to feel the urge to vomit.

I will probaby just eat another.

tee hee

My favorite ones are the rasberry filled ones.


But who wants to hear about my donut preferences?

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I bought a hardy hydranga plant, that is dead dead dead. You can kinda see it in the background of that there picture up there.

I thought for sure I could keep it alive. It seemed so strong.

But sure enough its stay in my household was a short one.

I watered the darn thing what more did it need?

Just like the dead fish floating around my fish tank.

I really need to get that thing out of there.

The other fish may never be the same.

Pets. What a hassle.

I should get a kitty.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Is There Anybody Out There?

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I look for deep meaning in nearly everything.
I am hopelessly searching for some type of reason.

My Mom works in an amusement park.
And yesterday while at work, my DEAD ex-boyfriends twin brother approached her.
He asked is she had a daughter named KATHRYN!
and obviously yes she does.
I don't even know if I feel like typing all this information down.
But I will give it a whirl.

Ok. Lets see.
My ex- boyfriends name is Aaron. He died from a brain tumor.
Sad. Really.
We were not together when he died. But I did see him about a month before he died.
We took a drive together.
He tried to kiss me and even though it felt so good. I stopped him. Because I was in a relationship with Tim. My now husband.
So he died a month or so later. I am vague on the details.

Aaron was my first love. I put him through some MAJOR SHIT! Sure sure we were young and dumb and all that but there was some serious issues at hand. Trust me. I really fucked with him. But he was fine. He got over my bullshit.

SO. Where was I?
Yesterday Eric, Aarons twin brother pops in to the mix.
I always think of Aaron. Like 2 days ago I was talking about him with this "Dude".

My mom just happened to be in this store that her and Aaron used to work in together.
LIKE 13 years ago.
And Eric saw her , and kept staring and staring and then he heard her talk and was sure she was my mom.
So they chatted and then my mom called me to tell me this oddball story. At least I find it odd.
So I tell Tim and he is like, who gives a flying HOOT?! Well, I DO! I DO!
Ok. Then a few hours later my cell phone rings and it is Eric.
Very cool.
We talked. And said we should have lunch.

So. Now I miss Aaron. And realize how so much of my life is gone.
I have really no pictures or any of his drawings. He drew really well.
Amazingly well really.

SO many memories I have forgotten.
Eric commented to my mom how Aaron and I were really funny. And how we would work off each others wit.
I can hardly remember.
I can. But I don't.

So I write all this shit. But still nobody understands how this makes me feel. I can't even properly describe it.
Or put in words the whole story of Aaron and I.
And now this.
At this time.
At this moment.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


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To me that looks like an alien peaking at me.
Drew is a SUPER artist!

If they told you I'm mad, then they lied.
I'm odd, but it isn't compulsive.
I'm the triolet, bursting with pride;
If they told you I'm mad, then they lied.
No, it isn't obsessive. Now hide
All the spoons or I might get convulsive.
If they told you I'm mad then they lied.
I'm odd, but it isn't compulsive.
What Poetry Form Are You?

Friday, June 24, 2005

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Oh boy. Today is one of those whirlwind twister like days.
I don't know what the FUCK is going on. Everything is spinning and I am starting to get seriously dizzy.
Now I am not saying that these days are BAD days they are just hard to keep up with.
Maybe it is hormones.
I started back on the pill.
So whatever.
There are lots of excuses I could use
for why I can't get a GRIP!

Ok. On with it.
Batman was super COOL!
I really likee it.
And that Christian Bale is delicious.
I mean really.
I starting crying in a few parts of the movie and that really helped my EYE feel better.

YES! My eyes still hurts.
and I know why.
Like the cute little princess that I am, I decided that I want my eyelashes to be MORE beautiful eyelashes.
I went and bought an eyelash curler.
Used it and found it to be uncomfortable.
It didn't even WORK!
They looked the same.
I must have pulled out an eyelash during the whole process and now MY EYELASHES ARE REALLY PRETTY!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

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2ND day of school for my little child.
Very nice. Time just to sit around and wonder what the fudge to do.
I will see a movie!
Batman Begins.

SOme people and I watched GO last night.
Well, I liked it.
Anything involving drugs, Christmas and lots of nudity really tickles my fancy.
It helped me in my process of trying to accept Katie Holmes.
And now I will watch her in Batman and FALL TOTALLY in LOVE with her!!!

See it has already begun.

I want to HATE her.
And sometimes I do.
But not today.
Today I am going to FEEL the love.
Spread it here and there.

Instead of my HATE!
I say "I HATE" all the time.
I HATE that thing over there!
I HATE being like that.

One person I know really seems to get upset when I say "HATE!".

It really is not a nice word.
It is a pretty strong word.

H A T E!


Not nice.

But honestly and truly there are lots of things around that make it easy to HATE.
But honestly and truly there are lots of things around that make it easy to LOVE.

Blah Blah now I am done here.

This post is dumb.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005


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My right eye hurts so frigging bad!
The other day I kept getting a sharp pain in it.
Now it just HURTS!
That kinda crap really aggravates me.
How inconvenient for me.
THen I start to worry that it is a serious problem and all that.

Maybe my eye will fall out.
Maybe my eye will stop working.

I also had a bitch of a headache last night and woke up with it this morning.
WIll my suffering ever end?


Maybe this is all caused by my new perfume.
Hypnotic Poison by Dior.

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It smells like almonds and vanilla.
Very lovely.
I had a hard time choosing.
I used to wear Gucci Rush.
But I thought it was time for somethang new.
Gucci Rush smells like Trix cereal.
They are discontinuing it though.

I guess.


My eye!!

MY eye.

it really hurts.

Wanna hear something totally retarded?

I have to go clean my house because the maids are coming.

How backwards is that?

Monday, June 20, 2005

1. If you could listen to only 3 CDs for the next year, which 3 CDs
would you choose?

This question is almost impossible. But I will try.
At this exact moment I would have to say.
They Might be Giants, Apollo 18
Lisa Loeb, Nine Stories
and I guess I would have to take Maroon 5.

2. What is a favorite summer memory?

Going to the lake and camping with my family.
We had a boat.
I thought it was so cool to drive it.
So much fun!
Ahhh the late 80's till the early 90's.

3. What do you secretly indulge in?

Grass. I smoke it.

4. If you could have a superpower, what would it be, and what color
would your cape be?

I guess my cape would have to be purple.
I would be able to read minds.

5. What do you think of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise hookin' up?

Morons. I couldn't give a flying FUCK!

Thanks Janet, for the fun!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Happy Fathers Day

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This was 1997 some time in late April, early May.
I was 17.
I was training to be a lifegaurd at Hurricane Harbor.

You see my red shirt?
I totally bought that at Wal-mart.
Anyways who cares?

My Dad and my sister came to hang out at Magic Mountain.

They were on their way to meet the Dalai Lama.

It was a nice day.

I remember taking these pictures.
I remember Carrie commenting on my nails while waiting in line for Superman.
I do have a great nail bed.

Anyways I remember little bits,

but those memories stand out the most.

But Happy Fathers Day.

To all the Daddys out there.

My son and his Daddy are watching Wizard Of Oz.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Our Potential

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What is the hold up?

Lets get the FUCK up and live to our FULL POTENTIAL!

Starting right now.

Yes. Now. Today.

Ok is almost 10 at night.

Damn days is almost over now.

But I did do an awful lot today.
Some stuff I can't mention.
But why even bother saying something like that?

Preschool is starting next week.
That is a HUGE thing. I think.
I am excited, but really nervous.
And I even have feelings of guilt.
But we are doing it.
Tuition is paid.

I really wonder what I will do with myself.
I do know that manicure and pedicure are both on the top of my list.
The time also will be a good one for movies.
Lunches with friends.
Clean house?

But then that DAMN GUILT BASTARD pops his FAT head in.
Get off my back man!

we are done here.

(I like to end conversations that way.)

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Once Again

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Once again I woke.
Once again I made coffee.
Once again I made pancakes.
Once again Drew threw crap down into the backyard from our balcony.
Once again I got angry.
Once again I yelled at him.
Once again he threw crap down into the backyard from our balcony.
Once again I got mad.
Once again I screamed.
Once again Tim told me to go see a doctor.
Once again I forgot to pay a bill.
Once again I don't care.
Once again I showered.
Once again I applied make-up.
Once again I couldn't decide what to wear.
Once again I wonder who the FUCK cares.
Once again I want to smash my cell phone into little tiny pieces, roll it up and SMOKE IT!
Once again I wonder who the FUCK cares.
Once again I know things can't be all this bad.

Monday, June 13, 2005

So I go to Yoga.
The entire time I am trying to relax and shit.
But I can't.
My mInd is so fucked up I swear I LOOK for things to get aggravated about.
Inside my head I am complaining.
I was mad because my feet got all sweaty so I was slipping off my mat.
I almost left.
I wanted to punish my feet and the whole CLASS by leaving!
I didn't though.
I gave them all a warning.
I am ridiculous.

Sunday, June 12, 2005


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This is me with VERY short hair.
I guess this was 2 years ago.

my plans for
today include going to go to a yoga class and a
visit to my Grandma.

She fell and broke her hip and so now she is in this care center place.
I kinda like going.
All the old people there are really interesting.
And I think they like seeing me.
My Grandma has 2 roomies,
Stella and Maxine.
I am becoming more and more attached to both of them.
I go everyday to visit.
I enjoy it.
I have been trying to make my Grandmas room cozy by bringing her some watercolor pictures that Drew and I have painted.
My Grandmas birthday is the 24th of this month.
She will be 90.
I am not looking forward to being 90.
Who knows.
Maybe it will be super fantastic.

AND I had THE WORST day yesterday.

There are some other things I would like to do today but i don't think I will be able to fit it in.
Whata pity.

Saturday, June 11, 2005


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Thank you Carrie!
My blog would be over the top lame without my background.
I don't even know where to start.

I have template anxiety.
Here is an AMAZING BLOG! I wish I could put things down into words as simply.

And remember my new favorite show! Well, I watched it last night. And let me just say IT FUCKED my brain UP!
I turned to Tim at one point and said that I couldn't continue to watch.
But I did.
Damaging my soul a little more.
I know I know it is JUST a silly T.V. show.
It is raw human insanity.
It exists!
One of the little deranged "skits" involved the number 2 commiting suicide.
It was quite emotional.
Anyways the way she was going about it was all wrong but I won't go in to great details.
I will just say it was involving acid and other flesh eating chemicals.
Ok. So the number 2 somehow survived her attempt.
BUT! During her reconstructive surgery the doctor changed her from a 2 to a 0!!!
pretty intense man.
pretty intense.

Thursday, June 09, 2005


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Drew and Roxie are best friends.

I woke up at 5 freaking 45AM! That is out of control.

I feel surprisingly good though.

is it bad that Drew is down stairs in the backyard by himself right now?


It is.

I better go.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


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Look at my talent.

Look at my

Try not to copy.

Anyways, two strange men were in my house today.

Men are seriously fools!

Tripping and spilling things all over the place.



Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Main Entry: silly
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: absurd
Synonyms: asinine, balmy, brainless, childish, crazy, dippy, dizzy, empty, empty-headed, fatuous, featherbrained, flighty, foolhardy, foolish, frivolous, giddy, harebrained, idiotic, ignorant, illogical, immature, imprudent, inane, inappropriate, inconsistent, irrational, irresponsible, ludicrous, meaningless, muddle-headed, nitwitted, nonsensical, pointless, preposterous, puerile, ridiculous, senseless, simple, simple-minded, stupid, unintelligent, unreasonable, unwise, vacuous, wacked out, witless
Antonyms: rational, sensible

Someone I know calls me Silly.
I think I am offended.
Not cool MAN!
Not cool.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Sunday Morning

My son will be 3 two months from today.
And scary.
Especially since I wish I was 3!

But I am not.
I am 25.
I like 25. Sounds so official and serious.
But at the the same time that is exactly why I don't like 25.

I don't know what I like or what I want or what I am saying.
Lets just forget age all together and just sing.
Lets sing a They Might Be Giants song. Because they too ROCK MY SOCKS!!

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Someday mother will die and I'll get the money
Mom leans down and says, "My sentiments exactly,
You son of a bitch"
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

See that bulletproof dress hanging from the clothesline
See the medical chart with the random zig-zag
Now I'll help it decide
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

"Son I am able," she said "though you scare me."
"Watch," said I
"Beloved," I said "watch me scare you though." said she,
"Able am I, Son."

See the spring of the grandfather clock unwinding
(Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age)
See the hands of my offspring making windmills
(Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age)
Dad palindrome Dad
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

Friday, June 03, 2005

This is my new favorite show!
Thankfully I have MTV2. A lot of you poor souls do not.
Actually this show is wildly disturbing.
I am probably somehow even more damaged after seeing just two episodes.
But isn't being bad and "pushing the envelope" just so much fun!?
I think so too.
But this show SHOULD be taken off the air.
Seriously, at one point there was a letter J "giving head" to a number 8!
YES! You heard me right!
Imagine that!
A number and a letter!

Thursday, June 02, 2005


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Don't I look deliriously happy?!!?!
I am!
I really am.
Really, I am.

Anyways, peeps.
June has been lovely thus far.
Except for tonight, the wind is blowing hell all over this place.
Thankfully, I am inside and my walls seem to be strong.

Oasis has a new cd out.
I really like them.
They are a bunch of pricks though.
Lucky for them, I happen to be quiet fond of pricks!

I have puked out enough words for now.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005