Monday, December 31, 2007

ever enough not enough and never ending

made snowy white fudge icing the other day instead of snowy white fudge
too much milk or not enough other stuff
however you wanna look at it is UP to you
see it which ever way
today I will do it all again with the RIGHT AMOUNTS n its gonna be great.
i am not sure what else.
try to control yourselves this evening and NOT shoot your guns up in the air because what goes up must come down.
I have been invited to 4 parties.
hopefully at least one of them is worth the drive.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

its not sane

turns out i ruined my snowboots in the stupid ocean the other day.
at least I was able to enjoy them for a little while. what was it? 10 days?
a wasted 24.99 plus tax.
probably the reason i have been restless at night.
thanks a lot VENTURA!
they did sorta hurt my feet and they were a smidge too big and there is -zero snow around here so i guess its not that big of a loss.
but STILL and on the other hand
last night I noticed that some toothbrushes are getting more serious about their jobs than others.
i keep up on the new and upcoming breakthrough digital toothbrushes for 2008.
thats the business to get into right there.
BUT the only real business idea of mine that I will EVEN truly consider is owning my own little SHOPPE.
wouldnt that be amazing?
all i need is a nice tiny building in a busy part of the town to fill with stuff I LIKE in LARGE quantities.
oh boy I AM funny.
give me a loan and I could really make something happen is all I am saying.
this town needs to buy more of what I like
or I will be forced to move.
and my hair is so CURLY!
I am all curly sue right now...
its exciting.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

GO back 4 spaces

my hair is up in some FUNNY rubbery wire stick things. it's retro.
I cleaned my room like a mother fucker tday.
piles of my life i guess.
my room is tiny.
i am all sad that christmas is over and now have to wait till next yr to do it again THE RIGHT WAY.
heres some BADS NEWS
my gramma fell a few days before xmas and broke her pelvis!!!!
and a few days before that she was fine.
hey i got an idea lets all be friendly.
and positive for a new yEAR!
oh yea i feel disgustingly FAT.

so far so good

its all mostly over.
NYE is still ahead.
i dont know if I can see it through.
I had a wonderful Christmas time.
major problems aside.
i wont give you all the details.
never got around to making the snowy white fudge.
maybe tomorroe i will visit the snow. i dont know!
is tomorrow Friday?
i thought today was Wednesday.
life is so YIN YANG.

Friday, December 21, 2007

if we dont speak we'll get along just fine

just ate some breakfast. fuck yeah.
coffeee, avacado and some scrambled eggs.
and I am about to go to the GYM!
santa is gonna be there.
tomorrow is my MOMS birthday.
and tonight is YOUR birthday.
i hvae not bought ONE single christmas gift.
last night I did however open up a gift that I bought LAST YEAR for my idiot sister in law that I failed to send out across the country.
fucken a right? they arent really me but whatever everyone needs slippers and she is a stupid idiot and they are MINE now. so fuck you.
I am a mean person.

Monday, December 17, 2007

so stupid and mainstream

that house is on "christmas lane". its the prettiest.
I am going to see The Golden Compass.
i like anti-religious themed things. who doesnt?
other than the catholics.
PLUS WE HAVE MORE free movie passes! the last of the bunch actually.
dont ask questions.
remember halleys comet!?
and FYI
the hot cocoa mix I have in my house is total garbage. hows yours?

Sunday, December 16, 2007


christmas party fun last night.
6 vodka tonics cause i am watching my figure. 3 of em were doubles.
and no hydrogenated oils.
i am getting serious about the foods I eat.
reading labels and everything.
you should see the nasty looks I influence from the other women grocery shoppers. hags.
my thigh muscles were a little sore today because of all the showstopper dance moves I was layin down on the dancefloor in my believe me dishy high heels.
I also recieved a dozen more nice hair compliments
one from a bell ringing boy.
but i have no evidence
i dont know where I am going with all this.
but YOU i guess are the fucking expert so why dont you tell me.
i am preoccupied.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

i can fucking spell

didnt make it to the movies yesterday because this huge tropical cyclone came and washed me away and I died.
but today I think I will make it.
BEOWULF! at 11:30 or 2:00.
does that suck?
i want to eat some nachos.
my life revolves around the food.
but thats w everyone
not just me.
I dont think I am special in anyway.
but my hair IS really really shiny and maybe that makes me a lil bit special.
but lots of bitches have shiny hair.
and every month I get the exact same zits in the exact same spots.
its all so predictable.
and I am wasting my time away
sitting here.
I do this FOR YOU.
and you do it for me.
its special.
I am thinking I should do some japenese commercials.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


DSC00241dont forget how I dont care.
never forget that.
i went to YOGA today for the 1st time in a long time.
forgot how much breathing and stretching and focussing is involved.
its a good time to think about how prettty my hair looks and feels on my toes.
my son is growing up so fast
I cant stand iT!
and I am suspicious about his beliefs in tha SANTA CLAUS area
I dont think he believes anymoreor something.
i guess he has his doubts and he should.
he is no dummy idiot kid.
he is a brat but ALL kids are brats.
right now he is playing w a blonde haired little girl in the backyard.
the pool guy brought his daughter ir neice or something and so I told him that a little girl was out there so HE SHOULD GO PLAY WITH HER.
and he gave me a thumbs up and headed out.
my husband also went outside to pick up the DOGSHIT
we owe the pool guy like over 2 GRAND and he still comes to clean our pool EVERY WEEK.
its great. I think we have a friendship or something
eventually we will give him some money.
mind your own business.
I am going to THE MOVIES today!
I have frees passes.

Monday, December 10, 2007

international incident

i bought some christmas themed mini size cookie cutters.
should have never happened.
I will have to use them all year long EVERYDAY for the rest of my life to keep myself from killing myself over it.
I plan on starting tomorrow
making raspberry jello jigglers
I will put those fucks to USE.
its my favorite.
and I ALSO bought some special holiday shaped green and pinkish colored marshmallows. they were 99 cents!!!
what the fuck was I thinking?

and I hate jack in the box.

peanut butter jelly

things are a wee bit fucked up in the world.
people and places
but some things are fine.
I slept until like 10 THIS MORNING and then I had to get up because I started feeling guilty.
plus my 7th/8th grade lesbian Phys Ed teacher showed up in my dream.
and thats just means way too much dream time for my brain.
i wish I could go to Disneyland today.
this is going to be one long MONTH.
shit. I am in a bad mood. thats obvious.
and I hate everything.
christmas is for fags.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

It's amazing

today my life plan is going to a marina for a xmas light boat parade party thing
i think this all means that i will eat cheese and drink wine and be chilling out because thats what you do on a boat.
YESTERDAY I bought me some snow boots cause Of all this snow on the ground in my town
here in the desert.
but I think I will move to COLORADO and I am just trying to FIT in.
my husband has an obsession with Denvers football team so its making sense.
we once drove through Denver and all I really remember is the homeless men and dog kibble looming in the air. I was 17.
maybe 18. who knows? its THE PAST.
I know I have mentioned that here before.
for lunch today I am gonna eat a burger w fries.
hopefully thats cheers your day up.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Thursday, December 06, 2007


wonderfully lousy.
its too windy
frightening! to me
but i think we will be safe
i have a blackberry pie cooling
so fuck yea baby!
i love being fat.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

call me baby

DSC00263I looked so disgusted.
couldnt get the shot right i guess.
or maybe I was thinking about something annoying. like your mom.
my life is one big volunteer job.
and right now I am not on my way out when I really should be
in fact I am in
and far from out.
I had to hang out in a really cold cold room yesterday and it was so HORRIBLE.
i am not going to survive the next ice age.
editing stuff is fun. like a hobby.
i still need a shower.

and my gas bill needs to be paid.
like today. now.

so much bullshit really

i had to speak into a microphone yesterday EVENING.
but it worked out well because I was wearing fur.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

lend me 5,000 dollars

a huge stressful problem of mine is wanting to control the universe.
giving up that habit is a toughy.
DUDE fat cats are funny and very unhealthy.
the dog next door had puppies.
I want to eat one.
WANT WANT WANT always wanting
oh yeah I was pissed off from the get go this morning by a crow
or was it a raven?
WHATVEVR some big stupid blackbird.
kAH! kAH!
i forgot my camera charger at a party. I actually remembered as I wasgetting in the car to leave but was like FUCK it later charger.
lazy bones.

Friday, November 30, 2007

You Are a Fruitcake

People pretend you're sweet and precious, but they know how weird you really are!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

being alive is what its all about

oh no. people are sad.
i wont tell you what I mean exactly. its too sad for you happy people.
figures right when I feel happy and content the world goes all suicidal and crybaby on me.
2008 is coming to town and I am getting all ready and charged for its arrival.
I wanna make 2008 feel comfortable and happy.
lets fuck.
I have no weed so this post comes to you from clearheaded Kathryn.
boring I know.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

pee and poop

i made this stupid drink called an autumn russian.
vodka, kahlua, pumpkin liquor, and a little milk.
it was kinda gross but it did the trick.
and it was orange.
the color of aggression.
i bought the 7.99 pumpkin liquor when I was allllll bipolar! and liking the idea of getting trashed holiday stylez.
and yes I am cool.
now i am gonna go watch apocalypto
tonght my xmas tree is up.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

how wide is the web?

people should really quit smokingcigarettes.
i should quit eating all the food.
i keep forgetting to remember to buy nail polish remover.
knock knock
whos there?
peppermint and caramel together side by side
peppermint and caramel together side by side who?
peppermint and caramel together side by side
sounded too risky and a little wrong to me at first TOO but once I tried it i knew it was right.

sorry i dont love you anymore blog

JANET came back to her shitty home town of which I still inhabit.
wasnt that nice? yes.
and she pretty much spent her entire time with ME.
I know I know who wouldnt?
she is my lawyer.
last night we drank THREE bottles of wine.
and now it appears that I am bragging.
I havent blogged in a LOOONG time huh
you miss me huh
you wonder about me huh
and my love life huh
well I am in love.
maybe i wlll tell you a story about the young and overweight animal control lady
young and overweight animal control lady started out by knocking on my door for a solid 30min a day 5 days a week last week.
i ignored her by taking showers and hiding under my bed
and its messy under there
she wants money for my 2 dogs.
money I dont care to fucking give to her or LA county.
fuck her.
but yes the other day w/my head high I caved and answered the god dang door thinking maybe I could talk to her and we could be friends and work this out as a team
ended up getting my feeling hurt and handing her a 50 dollar check for ONE stupid dog and she plans on coming back for another 35 on WEDNESDAY for my other stupid dogs. oh and she wants to see some paperwork I cant find.
and i dont think so.
my porch really is pretty BTW.
all fancy with showflakes and twinkle lights.
I cant help it if I have what you want.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

i am about to knock a bitch out

they suck.
they are stealing my money. a fat cow actually and she is so annoying.
everyday she is in my face.
its ironic cause i am feeling like a cow and I am gonna make a special banana pie in a special little bit. just waiting for the cool whip ta thaw.
a fat special PIE.
I already ate some caramel.
i am very special.
YESTERDAY I bought some meatballs and that was a big fuck up, cause I hate meatballs.
HATE! theymake me wanna fucking PUKE all over the place.
but spending money on things is so fullfilling.
and AMY WINEHOUSE needs to shape up because I am in love with her.
I know there was once upon a time when I called her WHORE but I love her anyways.
love is blind.
I need to get in touch with her.
I was thinkng this while CLEANING my carpets! YESTERDAY and today I amstill thinking about it and I want to clean my carpets again.
crazy shit.
I am such a mother.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

talking trash about how you are no good

looking up
sometimes I have to look at things more than two times
and listen to things more than twenty times.
I had to request that soccer balls be placed on each cupcake so that they would IN FACT BE SOCCER CUPCAKES.
It was amazing the way I handled that.
the scorpions pizza party is tonight and FUCKYES I AM PUMPED UP ABOUT IT!
we had a kickbutt season.
basically won every game.
the experience has been a HUGE confidence boost for me.
ME! me.
can I have the same team next yr too?
maybe not all of them have to be there BUT most of them,
I swear.
I love everyone. but that doesnt mean anything special. we should all love eachother.
what was I saying?
stupid coco is chewing on my fucking bra and nothing is more irritating than a dog chewing on MY underwear right in the goddamnMIDDLE of MY SPACIOUS LIVING ROOm!
i have to go.
THIS IS ENOUGH you dont need anymore.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

so adorable but do not trust you

red rose
i put some crap in my driveway that I dont need anymore and POOOF like a miracle it disappeared.
I just heard it vanish away.
its blurry now.
can you smell that pumpkin pie I am baking?
I feel the holidays coming.
thanks be to god.
speaking of holidays
the last time I ate a banana it wasnt even GOOD! and I usually love all bananas.
so I wondered if something was wrong with the banana tree it came from.
hopefully NOT
hopefully it was just that ONE banana
hopefully not the whole fucking bunch.
on Tuesdays I have tacos.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

i like to have a good time

lunchi make the best sandwiches in the the world.
my world.
I can swing right over your world.
have you read that book? everyone else has.
but so yes I am a little bit nervous
plus last night I had really scary dreams with scary MONSTERS of all sizes big and small
and more scary things.
and a cute girl in a really cute pink convertible.
it was strange and very scary and a little sexy.
my dreams are always fucked. YEAH YEAH yeah yours ARE TOO I AM SURE WE ALL KNOW AND CARE.
let it go already.
i made salmon cakes for dinner.
i need a drink of ice water to wash this metallic taste out of my mouth.
whats the meaning behind that?
and I am gonna start to be a real bitch
if need be.
but I like you.

Friday, November 09, 2007

I just ate seven.

frank will be moving out this weekend.
he has to leave.
kiwi is my favorite fruit.
its kinda chilly outside so I am making a beef stew.
I am a housewife.

its the only one you'll want

teethremember when I had maids?
i miss them a lot when I clean a bathroom.
but its all okay
honey mustard and me are in love right now.
and when you have love you have everything.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

my eyes are burning

pumpkin pie
thnak god I bought somehand lotion yesterday.
smells sooo nice.
tomorrow I think I will go buy some new stationary.
I have had the same stupid kitty CAT paper for long enough.
I wonder if I should SKIP the gym to go buy some.
I am such a loser.
I wont skip the gym.
i will go after the gym.
and BTW bitches
i need some good knock knock jokes.

ew!i heard a man fell into a wood chipper today in TUSTIN.
oh and I dnt care about anything HOLLYWOOD.
well maybe I do a little
but deep down I feellike fuck you hollywood!
what have you done for me? ever?!
but whatver
not really.
holly would is cool
remember that movie COOL WORLD.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


coco in the sun
I scratched my face just now because i dont know how to control my hands when I talk
so I scratch at things.
all this stuff is happening.

Monday, November 05, 2007

no harm done

the truth is I do have a lot of time to play with my hair.
and a lot of time to fuck around.
my house is clean though.
so anyways, blogging seems a little sad right now.
like my heart isnt into it the way it USED TO BE>
just kidding.
some lady was a real cunt to me yesterday at church.
and manalive am I burnt up about it.
you know how when something happens and you are preoccupied with all the other bullshit going on around you and the something is said or done to you and you are like uhuh yeah yeah whatever but then later on after you process things
u want to KILL tHTA person and fuck the luck the moment has passed.
but I was all oh ok. dur dur.
you know how that happens.
you know how the people try and fuck with your brain.
I ahte thta.
but really maybe I dont even care.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

i dont care as long as you do it gently

and we still have halloween hanging around this joint.
time to move out.
i signed up for that nabobloplog thing or whateverthehell but thats dumb cause I missed NOV 1st.
what does that mean?
i cant win a prize?
someone could have better prepared me maybe.
I am going to go brush my teeth. last night I flossed.
you should think about your teeth and your gums too.
at least before you go to sleep.
my mom is having some teeth PULLED this week.
she is a big, stupid baby.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

you did exactly what I was gonna do

my knee is still cute. THANK GOD.
i saw THE BEE MOVIE and liked it very much.
lots of HAHAHAHAs
i ate some gummy bears.
I went to a birthdayluncheon with my gramma and MOM yesterday and gosh that was annoying.
my mom kept saying FILET MIGNON in this annoying voice and talking about how GOOGLE is the next new amazing thing.
nodoby gets it. i wanted to pull the waitress aside and bond with her.
ask her if she thought it was possible for people to NOT be annoying?
no they cant.
people stare and talk so much.
its enough to depress.
i did have a fantastic salad with lots of different stuff init like apples, grapes, and nuts.

Friday, November 02, 2007

today is my birthday

K cakes
I fell down in a parking lot. I didnt see anybody see me BUT I am sure people saw.
I scraped my knee pretty badly.
it was funny.
it was wonderful.
then I walked into the gym
told EVERYONE I FELL and showed EVERYONE my knee.
I got HUGS, a shiny purple balloon with colorful confetti and streamers AND the letters spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY printed on it,
FLOWERS!, CUPCAKES, a pink sheet of paper with all my important scorpio info printed on it, AND a bottle of shiraz!
and I spun for an hour.
the balloon was on my bike. that was me.
oh and I was called pretty.
it was funny that I fell.
I have wonderful people in my life.
I have to go now so my mood can shift and swing from here to there
and like it.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

i love halloween forever

thats the best cupcake I have ever had in my life.
do you see how moist and bouncy it is?
I would like one in purple.
my friend made them for the party :)
and whne I was being all sweet and drunk I packaged up the leftovers for her to take home.
she doesnt have a blog so why even bother talking about her?
well because she makes the best cupcakes in the universe and I MUST cont to be her friend so she will make me more.
I shouldnt have packaged anything up. I am always being dumb like that.
and i am reminding myself THIS>
here! now.
thats what I do.
and if she does makes me some more she can only give me like 4 because any more than that would be way too much.
screaming spook
I got a new phone. its pink.
it was a gift.