talking to the kittens through the thick glass

you may not realize this but I am very busy.
and you might not be aware that i usually have an ENORMOUS mess of books,papers,cd's,dvd's,wires,lotions,purses,shoes,pillows,boxes,coins, cameras and walkie talkies at my bedside.
BUT I have been very aware and tonight I made it my mission to turn it into a nice and cozy looking mess. its my nook.
and now I am positive my sleep will improve.
but also am realistic that in two days time it will be all ruined and more stuff will be added. like maybe a liter box.
ya never know with me! cos I am KrAzY! and erratic!
thats how it goes.
i guess I am goign to be watching AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL from now on.
i think I hate all of those bitches, theyre all lame and dumb.
saying dumb shit and acting all whorish with annoying voices saying that its hard word to act like a lesbian.
acting like a lesbian is easy work.
and I want it to be known that I have no problem with wearing fur.
especially rabbit fur cos they are so soft especially the white ones.
and maybe tomorrow I will post a picture of something other than my face.
just to mix it up
maybe I will show you my shoes.
BTW my nails are a color called "plum attraction" & they look super nice cause I have a long nail bed.
but I dont wanna brag.

this should be interesting.

changeable

I took some pictures of myself yesterDAY in a shower that was displayed in a home improvment store.
some turned out well.
today i am doing most things half-ass.
and still I am struggling.
I have been singing really LOUD and I have decided that maybe I should have VOICE LESSONS!
I bet I could be an OUTSTANDING SINGER!
AMerican Idol is on tonight. does anybody even care?
last night was terrifying.
the newspeople told me something about JESUS AND THE REST like the two MARYS and HIS SON!s remains have been found in a tomb!!! WHAT!?
uh well there goes that for all you faithful believers.
but I am sure that people wont believe its really THEM.
some believe that science is just plain dumb.
and there was some story about this mexican who is currently running around Los Angeles saying he is the anti-christ and people are getting these666# tattoos. mostly mexican people.

but we already know that everything and everyone is going MAD MAD and MADDDER!
its madding!!

i know where I stand.

ooooo but I am excited and feeling good cos I got some new nailpolish and blush to play with!

i was hoping this was a stupid phase

i wish that you could see how I act when I am alone w/myself because THEN you could really see how incredible I am.
I am wanting to switch around some of these pictures hanging around in my house.
the picture in my bedroom needs to be out here in the dining room and visa versa. or whatever.
I want that done like NOW!
but I should not do it cos I have a badhabit of really fucking the shit out of a wall when I take a hammer to it.
i keep telling myself that I am an enlightened person.
I need to keep remembering that!
dont you wish you were enlightened too!?
like me!
the summer of 97 my dad onetime told me that he thought that I was enlightended but he may have been making fun of me cause I am really a weak-minded person.
and unimportant. is that a word?

oh I saw that BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA movie and I bawled my EYES OUT OF MY FACE!
so sad. so touching.
I loved it.
go SEE IT!
you may be bored.

you enjoy it

i already got a construction paper paper cut on the tip of my pinky finger today and so now I am crying my eyes out.
it hurt and still hurts soo so bad.
i might as well pour lemon juice on it.
last night I drank nyquil cos I had a stuffy nose.
the green kind.

Chew your food and don't swallow it!

i cant stop thinking about Britney Spears. is that how you spell her name?
well I am really interested in her now and cant stop thinking about her.
sometimes its pointless to even try to talk to people or to order a pizza with more than 3 toppings and have it delivered RIGHT yeah cos I got all pyched out for a good pizza this Saturday night and I called up and ordereed one with all the RIGHT toppings for me and when it arrived it was all WRONG! so I called the pizza guy who seeemed to understand what I wanted 35 minutes ago back to tell him about their pizza parlor fuck up and he was all about the oh sorrys. oh sorrry.
?!?!?!!!??!?!?!?!!?!!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
?
and then he said that next time he would give me a free topping. whatever there wont be a next time thanks!
i almost called him back a SECOND time just to express myself further but I held back.

just now I almost ate a whole can of peaches.
thats like 3 servings!

and earlier I watched back to the future 3 and back to the future 1.
in that order.

THE YUM YUM SHOPPE

DUDE IT PISSSSSES ME OFFFFFF when scenes are CUT IN HALF in I LOVE LUCY JUST SO MORE commmercials can be crammed in!!
holy crow that makes me mad. fucking up a classic.
but I am greatful that I love lucy is still being aired.
cause I sold all my VHS tapes in that ONE garage sale.
I dont own a VCR. i think I sold it that same day.
today
my gramma has a scarf tied around her neck.
she is very into fashion.
She used to own a dress shop here in town.
and one of the best I LOVE LUCYS is ON RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
I am laughing laughing and laughing and will be doing so till 6.
I should set up an I love lucy season pass on my tivo or sumthing.

swear by it

last night as I was cutting up a banana I thought to myself maybe I should blog about how I cut bananas in a slant.
I am a great fruit slicer is what I am getting at.
better than you.
de facto I do everything better.

gravitational interaction

because my blog already is here I feel like I need to follow through and post now.
so Susan gave me a mat today in the gym room. i arrived a little tiny bit late and was gathering my equipment like i usually do and I USUALLY get my mat last BUT Susan decided to walk over to me and hand me one and i didnt not actually hear all her words and what she said but I think she used the word "FRIEND" or something and I acted all like OH MY well thanks cool ok. thats what I said pretty much. whatever she gave me a mat. big whoop.
i stayed where I stay and she stayed where she stayed and as long as we stay there then its good with me.
when it happened I immediately thought about BLOGGING ABOUT IT.
silly and strange.
and the old asian lady asked to see my entire tattoo on my back cause she said she always can just see it peaking out at her. OK.
then she was like oooohh look EVERYONE IN THE CLAASSS! LOOOK AT THIS GIRLS COLORFUL BUUUTERFLY TATTOOO>!
oOOOOOooo awe
ok can we get on with CLAASSS is what I was thinking.
cause its like 7 yrs old and I just dont wanna discuss it any further.
and then the asian lady is always asking me about my PHONE!
oh where is your phone?
got your phone?
I didnt hear your phone?
who callls you?
and BALHA FUCKING BLAHHHH
one day i had my phone out.
ONE DAY! and now I can never forget it.
nosy bitch.
leave me be in peace. or just be cool. like me.

EVERYONE belongs in an institution for the mentally ill.

OH my posture is bad when I sit here at this table.

TRASH MY VERY NAME

hi i just painted my nails a color grey.
yesterday morning a lady approached me at the gym and told me I had a betty boop figure and my butt is looking tiny er.and she said that it lookslike I know what I am doing. I fake it well. I still cant stop going over the conversation in my head. (isnt bettty boop a midget?) her name is SUSAN, and I knew that one day she was goign to talk to me. she cant take her eyes off me. EVER!
you think I am fucking kidding!? I am not. its very bizarre to me and today she looked at me some more but never found her chance to talk to me. shes must be a lesbian.
so folks i told myself that I was not gonna get high today and what do you think I have gone and done?
sometimes my boobs look reallyy good to me and other times not so much. I am obsessed with mine and everyones moms boobs.
hilarious.
last night I went to bed at 12:30 and I woke up at 1 am feelings as thouggh I slept a full 8 hours and I got up and had some breakfast. graham crakers and milk.
but THEN I got sleepy again and went back to bed for few hours.
go figure.
BUT then I started DREAMING OF SHOES> AND HOW I NEED TO BUY THESE CERTAIN ONES!! andI GOT ALL EXCITED!
go figure.

WHATS YOUR DOOM?

i got a 3lb box of chocolate on the 15th and there are like 10 pieces left and its like what the 20th or somewhere around there
way to go control!
its the 19th.
basically the 20th.
I am a mother fucking bastard sometimes.

march is soon.
the month of march.

and yeah so my gramma blew me a kiss this evening and now I am afraid that she is gonna die TONIGHT!or soon.
i am crazy and I know this because the other night my mom told me not to return if I did not win at BINGO so I was all worried the entire night becasue I was NOT WINNING and convinced myself that I was probably goign to DIE in a car accident that VERY EVENING on the way home! obviously i didnt. thanks goodness. because thats scary.
I am actuallly creeping myself out right now.
death sucks and its always right round the corner.
and I miss you already.


and I think about the BIG EARTHQUAKE thats coming too!

hey this is FUNNY
i have been swimming with sharks in my dreams. with my father.
and the easter bunny too.

OOOOOoo! RENO 911 is ON!!!
YES!!!!!

laughing is almost always against the rules

there are lots of internal stuff within my blog that YOU are unaware of.
and in my life.
i went to a yoga class this morning that I usually do not ever attend and it was good and the teacher seemed educated and strong.
i dont really focus in yoga I usually am thinking bout my hair or wondering if my underwear is showing.
which almost always is.
my pants dont fit me correctly I guess.
and other non zen thngs go round in my head.

my goal is to stretch my muscles and relax my mind.
and to be filthy rich.
and happy.

its rainy.

i probably will not leave my house again today.

ENTERTAINMENT

oh jesus its Sunday and thankfully tomorrow is presidents day.
today i thought I should tell my online journal that
I sometimes drive my grammas car to church.
church really has been sucking the last few weeks. surprise surprise.
this one lady has had this foot problem for the past 6 months or more, at one stage she had a hose draining something into a baggy. thats over with now. I bet she is happy about that. but she still cant wear a regular shoe.
maybe she had a bad ingrown toenail or something. and she must cut her own hair cos its all uneven and screwy.

today the alter boys fucked up big time. everyone can tell they need to practice.

oh I went out to breakfast or brunch really and some 7 yr old brown haired kid was being a retard and throwing some tiny orange ball around the waiting area and it landed in my folded arms and i threw it across the diner and told everyone that I was not in the mood for that.
and nodody even knew what was going on.
the mom was talking all undercover about her dream refrigerator.

kid gets on my nerves

thats my dog Roxie.
she still needs a bath.
someone should get that done.

i do feeel much better.
I probably didnt even have a REAL migraine.
I dont know what I am talking about.
it was probably just a sinus headache.
on the right side of my head
if i jump up and down it still hurts

and i am not gonna talk about britney spears cause she is embarrassing.

i hope today is terrific for me.

to what do you attribute your plethora of fatigue?

i have a migraine.
a minor one.
if i dont move my body or use my brain i feel fine.

containing harmful microorganisms

MOST the people around me have been ill.
the other sunday morning I threw up in the church bathroom but I blamed it on taking some pills with nothing but 2 cups of coffee inside my stomach.
I threw up 3 times that morning and i am highly looking forward to vomiting again.
its like a new beginning.
do you cry when you puke?
cause I do. its very dramatic experience for me. but then again what isnt??
but my point is that I dont want to get sick so I am nervous about becoming sick and that is making me sick.
the BOTTOM LINE is that I am forcing myself to become sick and thats just sick.

i am going to sit in my house and pretend that its summer and I'm just inside for awhile cause I need a break from all the sun and all the fun.

and seriously I must be getting sick cos candy doesnt even taste good to me right now.

keep refreshing.

!!!!!WHATEVER!!!!!

turns out that I hate everyone today. and now that I look back on my Valentines DAY I see that it sucked so bad. SUCKED. maybe one of the worst. but i know that it a retarded day anyways. but still it can be fun and doesnt HAVE TO SUCK SO BAD.
and I found a piece of poop on top of my laptop this morning. I want to know who the fuck put it there and WHY!?
today is fucked up .
I got NO sleep last night and I am SO MAD.
everyone should just leave me alone today. and tomorrow.

VALENTINES DAY IS GROSS

i bought myself a few Valentines gifts today.
1 razzleberry pie
1 baby cactus
15 dollars worth of gas.

maybe I will share the pie with my gramma kae BUT the cactus is mine and the gas is fucking necessary.
the word NECESSARY has always made me stop and THINK.
I cant stop listening to the same songs over and over and over again. i guess its like 7 songs that I keep listening to on a repeat basis.
how can I stand it???
love!
anyways I want to say that I sense that everyone at my local gym is happier when I am present and that makes me feel nice.
and maybe that makes me feel like I am bragging and thinking I am HOT STUFF.
but what do i care?
Nobody even knows my NAME! nobody even asks me my name,
they just smile at me and STARE AT ME.
nevermind. they dont even know I am there. nodody even knows I EXIST!

Aahahahaahhahahahaahahaha funny

oh
and I guess I am to blame for a recent outbreak of food poisoning.
damn stupid me.

when i saw you

I swear I just composed an outstanding Valentines DAY post that included some great topics
for example GUNS, DODGING BULLETS, BEAR HUGGING AND HOW I AM JUST SO FUNNY AND HOW I LAUGH ALLL THE TIME AND HOW I really WANT SOME VALENTINES DAY CHOCOLATE AND ALL THIS OTHER GREAT FUCKING more in depth SHIT BUT IT LIKE GOT DELETED SO NOW I DONT CARE. I WAS NOT EVEN FOR SURE I WANTED TO SHARE ALLL THAT GREAT AWESOME KATHRYN INFORMATION. SO LIKE WHAT A COOL COINCIDENCE. I AM FILLED WITH MUCH INFORMATION ON MYSELF. I AM AN EXPERT ON ME. BUT EVERYONE ELSE IS A COMPLETE BRAIN TWISTER.
AND I REALLY HAVE SHOWN NO VALENTINES DAY EFFORT AROUND MY HOUSE. I STILL HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE HANGING ON MY WALL, A CHRISTMAS TIME TABLE CLOTH AND A BOX OF WRAPPED CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THAT ARE WAITING TO BE SENT. I GUESS I CANT KEEP UP WITH ALL THESE CELEBRATIONS AND ACTIVITIES. and i am typing in caps for no reason.

p.s. I am sweet

and oh yeah Happy Valentines day.

sitting still combing my hair with my fingers

my mom just popped in. sorry I keep bringing her up dear blog but it just is what it is.
she left pretty fast cause she could see I was not interested.
i dont mean to be cruel but I have shit going on in my head.
and I cant be bothered.
so much in fact that I will usually hold my urine for as long I can.
because I am always doing something more important.
but eventually I gotta face the truth and the discomfort.
its the discomfort of it all that wears me down.
Its also nice to realize that there is no reason for it since I can easily relieve myself.
what am I saying here?
i have no friends. an old friend called me the other day.
and I have not returned her call. for no good reason. I can still call her up.
and everyone tells me that I ignore my dog.
what should I be doing?
patting her furry head all freaking day long?
what the fuck do people expect from me?

this is where I stand

yesterday my mom called me up saying that she doesnt ask me for much and could I please come over and taste her white cake that she had baked.
I told her NO! soorry! and I aked WHY!?
and her reason was simply COS and so I stuck with my NO and she got real PISSSSSY and I hung up on her BUT then I felt the guilt so I called her back and ASked her why it was soooo important that I taste this betty crocker cake.
its not like she did a magic trick!
I bake cakes all the fucking flippin time. I dont call people and DEMAND they drop everything to TASTE IT.
but anyways I called her back and was talking in my most sweetest voice possible and she SCREAMED NEVERMIND! and then she hung up.
thats so dumb.
now I have to go over to her smelly house.
fuck. but it gonna be a quick trip and then I am goign to come BACK home and take a shower cause I am all wet with SWEAT right now and it will soon turn dry. I just got home form the GYM!
cool huh!?

i like to play with ink

i had a margarita today
and
took a nap in the late afternoon & woke up in the dark.
then had to make some SUPPER.
I made some PORK CHOPS and I am sorry to say they sucked real bad.
i should have just slept till morning.

i wish I had some pie or ice cream
or something.
anything.
something!

GOD!! uh helllo! I am bored.
entertain me.

i havent been messing with the big nuggets & stuff

luke warm tea sucks.
i wonder if my gramma would like to see that YOUNG HANNIBAL movie
??????
i bet she does.
oh and I saw that running with scissors movie and I fell asleep.
it seemed like I was enjoying it but then I fell asleep.
its about a crazy looney mother so you'd think it would be right up my alley.
let me think for a sec.
ok I liked it. BUT it was boring and I like boring.
I love boring.
its funny how some things change and somethings dont.
now my tea is just cold.
my mom needs new tires for her gay car and they cost like thousands of dollars and so now she is pretending that HER tire issue is everyones issue.
just thought i'd take note.
but yeah.
its cold outside.
my dog needs a godamn bath like last week.
its getting putrid.

clearly

i was very huffy and puffy in church this morning
Basically a recording was played to all of us with
the words BLESSING, FAITH, CHARITY, HOPE, URGE,
and PLEDGE blasting out of a few very LOUD speakers for an aprox of 15 minutes.
i scoped it out to see if I could rally up some comrades and we could all like WALK OUT or something.
at least someone to mouth the words CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT??? to but nobody made any eye contact with me. darn it.
I said to my grammma that we should FUCKING LEAVE!
AND even though i think she agrreeed w/me we still stayed seated.
communion was up next.
i am surprised they didnt instruct us all to stand during the seminar.
I am bored talking about this. I was annoyed with the whole thing.
and right before it happened I think I was having a really lovely time.
i dont know. maybe I should donate some money to the church.
maybe they somehow got to me.
but no. its a scam.
fuck them.

you should have seen the orthodontists wifes fancy nails today!
made out of glass.
I am pretty sure she pledged some cash this morning.

it dont mean jack

I switched to the NEW blogger now lets all MAKE OUT.
my period is almost over with.

the truth is I am an unsophisticated heartless bitch

i dont know about you but I think i am done blogging.
and i realize that I am blogging right now so maybe I dont know what the fuck I am talking about.
and also I am probably overreacting right?
and
YES maybe ACTUALLLLLY I am insecure about everything. MY FACE. MY PICTRUES. MY WORDS! MY EVERYTHING!
i feel like trash.
I am going to sleep.
and what is with the regretful feeling after hitting that PUBLISH POST button?
do you EVER GET THAT FELLOW BLOGGERS??
feeel that regret of being YOU?
i am sick of trying to make me better.
morning will come and all will be better.
why even say that?
why say anything ever?
i think its interesting when people have a conversation and the words like just all come out with little or no thought behind them whatsoever.
my blog is LIKE one long conversation with myself.
huh.
go brush your teeth.

too bad I dont have any dope to smoke

i dont have time to blog.
i think I am going to bowl today.
and
i am not easy.

real skillful

losing your mind can be just plain embarrassing if you arent careful about it.

my gramma told me to go to sleep right now.
its already after dodo 10oOPM!
I AM MAD ABOUT TIME!
every hour melts away into the next hour and on on on into ETERNITY!!!!!!
AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG THAT REALLY IS?!
i just like to scare myself.

AND the fucking cord for my laptop is too short and that is a major flaw. and my laptop is BLACK and so should the powercord but its not.
but on the other hand who really cares?

i am trying to find something to watch on TV.
its not very fun but its all right.

isnt it grand?!?

i thought for sure that I would go to a stupid lame yoga class this morning because I have the desire to be very limber.
but with only 2 hours of sleep I am second guessing all that.
maybe I will still go. probably not.
tomorrow I have an exciting day of getting taxes DONE! and I am serious when I say I am looking very forward to all of the tax business.
our accountants waiting room has a lot of candy.
PEPPERMINT PATTIES! BIG ONES! not the minature size.
and a tub of red licorice! and toys. sometimes lollipops. its just the best.
ahhh tax time.
ahhhhh LIFE!
I am going to end up spending most of the day dancing around my house.
and bathing.
I will probably vacumm right now.
you do what you do.
and do it well.

OH i will blog again soon cause I am dedicated.

oh this sounds really good

hey there jerks, airheads and hoes how are you?
good good
well I am good. doing well. thanks.
i will try not to bore you with extravagant fofo.
somethings I think I will just not say and its best that it stay that way.
hey hey hey.
i took a video of myself while driving (alone) in my car singing some fucking song just for the sake of driving like a TOTALdouchebag and the video turned out to be HORRRIBLE!
seriously?!
GUCK!
a mess.
But sometimes being a mess is ok and I sometimes like being a mess.
do I talk like a valley girl?
am I a dorkface idiot nerdbutt?
who am I asking?
do I know these answers already?

nobody is even LISTENING!!
you arent even here.
and if you are here you dont even know what I am really saying.
I am indecipherable.

I am sure I could go on on and BLOG AND BLOG UNTIL MY EYEBALLS DRIED UP BUT WHY?

so salut

FEBRUARY IS KICKING MY ASS

so its groundhogs day. i think thats worth baking some brownies. or cupcakes.
something to celebrate.
radically I have no superbowl plans.
I have no unhappiness about that either.
i wanna keep my options open and be ready for anything.
probably nothing.
which again causes me no stress.
is tomorrow Friday??
today?
sometimes at 2am3am4am I am laying awake wishing that morning would just hurry the fuck up
BUT right as the giant suns flames start peaking out is when I am just starting to sleep like an angel.
cruel.
AND ALSO LAST NIGHT WAIT NO TONIGHT WAIT NO YES LAST NIGHT FUCK ANYWYAS I WAS DRIVING TO THE GROCERY STORE AND I STARING THINKING TO MYSELF WOW SELF YOUR HEAD FEELS CLEAR AND GOOD AND NO SIGNS OF ANY PAINFUL THROBBING!
cool.
why would that be? why would I take note of being headacheless?
I am going to sleep well tonight.
happy groundhogs day.

p.s. yesterday (today) i saw this girl in Target walking around the makeup section like she was a famous celebrity or something.
it was a hoot.

something to do with something

slow day isnt it.
thats fine
I ate some bisquits and gravy insead of going to the gym it was fine too thye were not reallly that great but they were fine
and I order a like VANILLA COFFEE thing and it came in a TO GO cup but I was eating IN so I thought that was stupid.
and in other matters it turns out I will be getting 80 dollars of the 100 dollars owed to me.
basically a few months back I was given a HUNDRED DOLLAR CHECK for my old beloved couch and chair and I lost it.
so yeah
something about a stop check charge and I guess I understand BUT its just like stupid! and this person was already given 50 dollars from his roommate for the couch chair combo. I dont know. Its just bull. BASICALLY.
but 80 is fine. cause I should not have LOST that chck. very irresponsible. and so on and so ON.
maybe this is not blogging material.
lately I dont feel likeblogging. whats wrong here?
AND I HAVE TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING.
OH AND I GOT A TEXT MESSAGE FROM MY PHONE CO TELLING ME SOME MORE BULLSHIT. I SWEAR.

I hear kids outside and I iimmediately assume they are throwing rocks at my house.
but kids dont do that. right?

I think I will go on a walk.