brace yourselves

Its the eve of July 2007 and right about meow a fly is buzzing around my room and I am thinking about killer astroids.
and I thought about my dead cat JAKE BLUES too this evening.
oh me oh my
I totally left my house at 830 am today so I could workout! and everyday that I do that I am amazed.
such commitment on my part!
i meant to do my nails tonight cause they look like crap all chipped and lynsday lohany.
do you know what I am sayin!???
i know i say that aLLLL the time when talking to people.
i will be like BLAH bla bla blah. then I say you know what I am saying?
cause i must think everything I say is so BEYOND everyone. who do I think I am?
and just SOME FYI for all you burger FANATICS out there the new western whopper at burger king is pretty gross. so stear clear.
and i need a good psychic and or palm reader.
so if you know anyone that knows anyone you should let me know.
THATS IT this fly is making me wave my arms all around and its too distracting for me to continue at this point
ok real fast it must have landed. I am pretty sure it knows I am thinking about it. it buzzed really really close to me ear and I reallydont like that.
I hate bugs but I understand that they serve a purpose but I am not sure that buzzing around my room is one of them.
OOKAY REAL FAST! OS I CAN GET THIS OVERWITH AND GO TO FUCKNG SLEEEP WHILE WATCHING A SHOW ABOUT BOMBS!!
maybe I should watch snl
-I need a good multivitamin that doesnt involve chocolate. just something to swallow.
-i pruned my rose bushes and that is a good stresss release and a lot of fun!!
- I washed my car this evening and that makes me feel good.
does this post sound dirty to you??
see ya around.

if it's all the same to you, my friend

that was my husbands lunch from a few days ago. a spider sandwich.
softshell crab.

that was my baked potato wits seafood inside but it was more like mashed potato. fatttty.
but sooo yummmy in my tummy. i didnt eat the hush puppies.
a new restaurant openned up right down the street and we ate there on wednesday and AGAIN YESTERDAY!!!!!!!
we are bad like that.
**no pictures BUT the calamari that I ordered yesterday was freakaudaciously thiCK.
the lady Jeanette owns the joint and Jeanette seems a little nervous about her business.
I was saying in the car that she should STAY in the bACK cause her social skills bloW!!BUT when I said this to TIM he said some stuff that made me feel like a bitch and got me to thinking GOSH HOLYHELL maybe I SUCK AND MAYBE MY SOCIAL SKILLS BLOW>?
i was expecting that the lady jeanette or whatver was going to be really happy and SURPRISED to see us again the NEXT DAY
you know what I mean?
we WERE JUST there the day before.
nevermind.
this isnt even true
you can just go ahead and always believe that the way I remember things back to you is all mixed up and wrong.
I made the easy pancakes for breakfast but I made the fancy cofffee drinks w/ the foam.
i must remember to buy some skim milk.
i know you care.

HUMANBEINGS

no thats NOT my gramma
I dont know anyone in this pic but they all seem to know me huh
but fuck them.
dont you despise those ushers that take their job too serious?
I have ushered before in the past and never ONCE did I find it nec to be mean or douche baggy.
neveronce.
well, some usher w a ponytail tried to escort me to prison the other evening at a theatre for taking a picture.
i resisted.
it was very dramaticatious and I cant get all in great details here and now and I just wont so lets move on.
and this theatre I am talking about here had too many fucking stairs and too many bitches. bitches all around.
left, right, frontwards and backwards.
laughing like this: TEE HE HHEEE TEEE HEeheheheheeehee TEEEhehehehehe TEE HE hehe
and a phone RANG! really loud! during act 2!
it was LIKE ! OH! MY! GOODNESS!
I hate hollywood but they do have cheap croissantsandwiches and I really like those.

nature is a whore

I feel like closing my eyes so I that means I will go outside with my tanning oils and sunglasses.
or should I say shades?
I unquestionably should.

i was watching the news and the weatherman said it was only 64 degrees!! so I was all OH GREAT my day is RUINED in my head then I started wondering what was fucking going on here and maybe I was actually dreaming since I was standing in my room wearing a neon bathing suit that I have had for like 7 years now. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? 7 yrs! still looks decent too.
but no THANKFULLY to my surprise the stupid weatherman came back on the television screen saying that the temp was now 26 DEGREES WARMER! wow.
all within 2 minutes!
see how global warming is affecting things.
people need to be aware.
and also people need to be aware that the water is going to run out and we are all most likely going to die.
i dont wanna be the one to break it to you but sobeit.
and your uncle is dying too.
and your granny, your cat and your stupid goldfish.
all dead and/or dying.

i dont like this post so you can be certain to hear from me again after I bake in the sun some.
or maybe I wont care anymore by then.

i will still like you.

cruisin' to someplace you've already been

LIKE OH MY GOD if only you could've witnessed my mothers behavior yesterday.
you should have been there! you could have seen it ALL for yourself with your very own eyes and face.
it ended with me calling her A SELFISH BITCH.
i was pointing at her.
so technically I guess you could say that 3 fingers were pointing at me??
she is the bitch.
its so true and we allll know it.
anyways.
relationships are hard and they take lots of work.
and lots of planning.
and follow through. and name calling.
MY mom didnt even help me CLEAN UP MY KITCHEN! WHORE!
she brought a tub of vanilla icecreAM, ate some, said many stupid bullshit words and then
SHE just LEFT! thanks for the PARTY BYYYEEEE! basically.
as she was departing i said "WHTA THE FUCK!?! GIVE ME SOME MONEY!!!!!"
she replied "KATHRYN FRANCIS!!! you hurt my feelings." and so then I was like "OH WELL BYE!" as I pushed the button that closes my garage door HOPING it would crush her to death.
and holy shit that brings back some memories.
unhappy bitch.
and I am happy and I am fine when I say that cunt whore mother is no mother of mine.
oh how I hope to one day have a baby girl of my own.

told ya YO

i am having people over for my Grammas K's birthday lunchparty today
its going to be delightful and the mosaic work should be done in the church this morning! thats fresh.
and I think my mom has two new dresses for me and I dreamt they sucked.
too tight and just not me, but that was A DREAM.
I have been TOSSING and TURNING AND basically living IN HELL in my sleep.
it feeeels like I cant lay still and I consider just getting up and going about life WITHOUT sleepytime.
isnt is FUNNY how we all NEED food and sleep to SURVIVE? I am always thinking about that funny stuff.
water too!
do you ever dream one thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER again all night long until it drives you to INSANELAND?
well i do.
i keep meaning to either take sleeping pills or drink more alcohol
but silly me forgets.
sleep will eventually get fun again
even though naptime is still fun I think today I will skip rest.

i bought a huge tub of flowers yesterday and the most fantasic chicken salad ever.

see you tomorrow?

its time to get ill

LAST NIGHT genius ME made the decision to go to sleep WITHOUT washing my face just to see what that would feel like and just like I thought it made me feel like a loser because woke up with a TINY TINY ZIT on my cheek. its practically gone. BUT thats not the point.
it would NOT HAVE HAPPPENED! if i wasnt being all rebellious and trying to be COOOL like that! i just had to try it out. see what it would feel like.
never again.that was funny when I thought genius had an o in it. like GENIOUS.
it does looks smarter that WAY.
i think.

i already need to repaint my DOWN RIGHT RED nails again, or not, I dont know.
I DONT KNOW ANYTHING! and neither do you, so dont think you are fooling me.
i am going to go swiimming and eat popsicles and candy allday long.
starting now.

everyone knows you need a pretty girl in your act

holler.
around 7AM i woke up saying "unbuckle yourself". that was different.
i think I am about to go outside when the pool dude named Jesse gets the heck outta my backyard.
I watched some really bad television recently while waiting for my favorite daytime show to be on and now I have that let down and bored feeling that I sometimes get.
and hey!!!! I was speeding in my car yesterday with my gramma and I liked passed a COP car sitting on the side of the road and he turned on his lights jus like a true dick mr.cop
and then mr. truedick cop started to turn around to catch me just like a COP would DO.
so OK when I saw what was about to be happening I started to scream
words like "NO" and "FUCK NO!"
just like YOU would do too.
dont lie.
THEN I
drove extra fast
MADE a QUICK TURN into some nieghborhood
TOTALLY LOST THAT FIVE-O.
high-five.
fuhuck tickets and fuhuck the law.
no no no! not really. i just cant speed! anymore! too risky.
I must keep a close eye on my acceleration.
and sorry if you are friends wth a cop or something and you find this wrong & disrespectful.
dont judge me.
or whatver go ahead.

and OH I saw Alpha DOG and pretty much ever since have had a really hard time sleeping at night.
the other night I dreamt of Pietro Pacciani.
he is long dead.
or was it Hannibal Lector? or both.
either way, no thanks.

HAVE THE TIME?

just painted my twenty nails DOWN RIGHT RED.
my right hand looks the worst and my left hand looks the best.
together they are perfect.
sunbathed for about an hour and twenty minutes.
my dog Roxie seemed annoyed the whole time and didnt even go into the pool
she smells bad and I may have mentioned something about giving her a bath MYSELF!
but I forgot.
maybe that is why she was acting like a brat.
welll sooorry roxie dont be sore about it and ruin the day.
I think Roxie reads my blog.
and speaking OF SORE> I am really very sore between my legs all because i thought it'd be clever to take a cycling class yesterday. but its fine. I dont care. just thought I would bring it up here.
Its TACO TUESDAY and I rented RENO 911 MIAMI THE MOVIE out of a vending machine.
I couldnt resist the tempation.
and I bettter make some salsa right now so it can chill in the fridge for awhile so hopefully my nails are dry enough for that.
i should have made the salsa first THEN gone on to do my nails.
but actually now my nails are dry and the colorful fresh produce will look so nice next to my ffreshly painted fingertips.
i plannned it all out perfectly.

ITS IN YOUR FACE BUT YOU CANT GRAB IT

wowie look at that
addin some color
I was thrilled when I saw this.
I wanted to climb up there and do stuff.


and I felt bad taking pictures but I did it anyways,
for US.

it will be finished by this sunday.
my grammas 92nd birthday.

and I wonder if its ONE person doing that or two or a few.
a man?
a woman?
who is doing that mosaic works????

fantastic and healthy

that griddle sticker situation made me so fucking angry yesterday after church
i wanted to know WHY the people decided a sticker was a must
A HUGE sticker.
what a waste of precious time.
THATS the shit I am talking about
THATS the CRAP I fucking hate.
stickers on pans.
?
I was crazy hungry for pancakes too so
I called on everyone to HELP me HURRY PLEASE get THIS STCKERI OFF!!!!!11@
fuck that was stupud.
a tag would do just fine.
or a smaller sticker.
or maybe one that peeled off nice and easy.

literally

oh my christ it just took me a lifetime to get logged on to this bitch.
and if that shit happens again imma be like FUCK IT and just be like whateva cuz
i already DONT CARE.
i am like a dead beat dad to this blog.
and you know how that goes.
in other news
I have seen many new baby birds around my house.
one was a baby hummingbird.
she was so sweet. i wanted to dip her in marshmallow fluff.
and
I killed a baby spider while showering in my shower this weekend.
heres the story
baby spider was walking up the shower wall
very very tiny so i didnt know FOR SURE that it was a spider
BUT thankfully for me I am smart and informed
spiders have 8 legs
and so after looking almost uncomfortably close and counting all eight legs I confirmed THAT YES it was IN FACT a baby spider.
so proud of myself.
For a split sec I considered letting baby spider try its way through the rough and scary world just because it was so tiny and so innocent but then I splashed it with water and down it went down the drain.

its time to watch seinfeld.
isnt a new season of curb your enthusiasm coming soon???????
god!:)

SEE MOMMY

so i am going to clean my fucking kitchen and make some freakin POPSICLES!
and maybe clear a space to start up a really HARD jigsaw puzzle.
OF THE EARTH!
FROM SPACE!
its gonna be my summer time thing.
I bought some reallllly super adorable napkins today.
I will remember to take pictures of them with various foods.
please shut the fuck up.

bring the old town down

good Thursday morning.
I am eating a juicy peach and that means my day is gonna be nice and clever.
I am about to leave for the GYM.
uh oh I just remember that I am dangerously LOW on fuel. whatever.
fuck fuel.
so yeah i think I had a dream that I was being STALKED by someMAN in the GYM and he folllowed me into the bathroom/locker area.
I think.
its funny to ME how many women shower AT the gym.
just go home cause its nastygross in there
and I bet there are cameras IN THERE.
for reals.
i have to go wash my face and brush my teeth.

also I need a fly swatter.

somebodys gonna come undone

I kicked up my workout routine today by adding on 30 minutes of RUNNING. yipppy do.
has anyone seen DEJAVU with denzel WASHINGTOn?? WELL I HAVE.
and my opinion is it is pretty ridiculous and SILLY and impossible.
time travel and nonsense
still very entertaining and alright.
i would say it is best to stay right here in the present time. dont you agree?
yes. for the most part.
and oooh I made like 3 gallons of some terrific salsa and its ALMOST PRACTICALLY ALL GONE! WTH?!
guess thats what happens when everything you make tastes fucking delicious.
I had some salsa on my scrambled eggs this morning.
I am on a diet.
NO MORE SUGARY SWEETS. unless it is light and its been awhile.
and NO MORE eating after 10PM!!!!
these are not rules they are guidelines.

i think there was somethng else that I wanted to say about the GYM but I totALLLY forget now.
or was that a dream?
what if I cant tell the dif. between dreamworld and nondreamworld?
I am screwed.

LUNCHTIME!

is it AUGUST YET?

my hair is getting really LONG and today some of it got wrapped up in my mouth w some gum.
and later on it was super awesome when I was treated reallly sweetly by a sandwich shop lady. she was bending over backwards.
and yesterday I was treated to a LIGHT carmel coffee thing over ice that was so very yummy.
everything is so nice w all this loveliness all around me.
SO YOU CAN GET OFF MY BACK.
WORLD.
i feel just fine thanks.
but now I am bout to space out for a few
and by that I means with out you.
boo hoo who.
i will talk to you later.

a compelling sense of their reality

whenever my mother comes over here she waters all my houseplants and I get crabbby about it and tell her to GET LOST but a few minutes ago I saw that one of my houseplants was involved in some serious sadness
alll depresssed and droopy.
so I gave it some water.
its hard to remember EVERYTHING.
like the mail.
who knows whats going on inside there.
but trust me
I have been cleaning and organizing all day and really should be doing so STILL.
I will never be finished.
NEVER.
its discouraging but luckily the outcome is GREAT.
and I am hoping that when I wander back downtstairs my houseplant will be right as rain.

I am resting my knee now.

rad dad

i gave a few items of clothing away to a 16 yr old girl.
she seemed jazzed.
she is a HUGE HArry Potter FAN AND she met some important webmaster this pastweekend at a greek orthadox church.
but I am totally clueless.
what is she meaning?
it was very interesting and I asked if she took some photos and she said NO.
I was sad about that.
i cant even concentrate on anything presently
because my right knee is flipped out and hurts so very BAD.
its difficult for me to admit that it hurts.
because I want my body to be working perfectly.
maybe it would help if I took a walk?
did I fall down?

and I cant NOT believe how the MEDIA is making PARIS HILTON out to be so important to everyone.
its really FUCKING MAAAADDENING!!!!!!!

I AM A DEVIL

i want to keep you interested so that is WHY I update.
I already know YOU dont like me.
NOBODY LIKES ME.
ANYHOE.
geminis are so STRANGE man.
marilyn monroe was a gemini.
her birthday was JUNE1st and I didnt even acknowledge it. not that I care.
my bitchysisters birthday was the 7th and I barely paid any attn to that.
SEE! I WILL BEAT YOU UP AND STEAL YER SOUL on ye birthday.
or I could make you a cake if you lived closer.
I recently picked up some colorful cupcake sprinkles.
TODAY is Judy Garlands birthday. but she is very dead.
so whatEVER.
I am having visions of myself making some chicken SALAD with apples and all that yummy chicken salad stuff today!
after church of course.
i will pray for all of us
but actuallly when I am in church I try to clear my mind of any such things.

my camera is acting like an asshole.

rubbish and poppycock

those frozen bananas you can see there are the best.
pick some up at your local trader joes.
and mind your temper because your temper can get you into some serious trouble and stop thinking so nasty
also i need to watch my mouth
I ate some orange jello at 2 AM because I am on a diet
some teenagers are heading over to my house this evening,
i called for some extra "adult" help.
its a night swim.
ALSO there is a cherry parade going on that I am missing cos I slept too late and now the roads are closed.

so now i am about to eat some of those with some honey.
have a nice day for heavens sake.

i took some stuff that would cool you

it is AMAZING HOW IT IS a Friday BUT it feels like a Saturday.
incredible.
and i have NOthing to say really.
wow.
Some soap got in my nose and all down my throat while taking a shower today and that sucked and still kinda hurts.
sick.
I know that I use way too much soap in the shower AND I also use too much water.
talented.
I need to stop being so wasteful and stupid but i guess I dont care. sorry.
i think I will go buy some clothes and makeup! with my charge plate.
and maybe I will take some pictures of my local post office. pretty.
i am mailing somecrap to my mother in law.
isnt that great. yes.
tight.
oh and I plan on making some fruit salad?
brilliant.

What Kathryn Means

K is for Kind A is for Ambitious T is for Tempting H is for Hip R is for Radical Y is for Yummy N is for Neat

What Does Your Name Mean?

not you

hi. I am low on bud so dont forget to pick me some up.
mail it to me. haha
you can so go to PRISON FOR THAT! DUDES.
so yeah sorry I dont display alll my killer smarts on my blog like YOU are all doing.
so very sorry I dont have important things to cover like you do.
i never thought blogging would turn so serious
so ive been thinking and talking that maybe its time I get serious.
let all you IN.
let you understand THE REAL KATHRYN.
show you what I am all about.
does that sound like a plan stan? I could let you rip me apart.
inreturn U can feel better about YOURself.
now that sounds like useful time.

BTW you need to go on a walk or DO something cause you look like shit.

there is this house that needs to be rented. today.
low deposit.

vexed and perplexed

the funniest things have been going on.
FOR INSTANCE!
i believe the ipod I use has been sending me symbolic messages today.
playing songs twice and stuff. in a ROW!
freaky.
maybe my xm radio does it too.
I need to pay more ATTENTIOn.
oh you have no idea.
i would hate to come across so negative but NONE of you can be trusted.
i wouldnt trust you with my salad dressing.
does that make sense?
NO! and thats exactly my point.
I like to ask questions.
heres 1
are you bored?
cos I thnk I am bored out of my mind.
sorry if I add to your boredom.
I know I add to mine.
tomorrow I will be in a MUCH better mood.
I promise.
NOT THAT YOU GIVE A FUCKING HOOT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

the other looks like it wont drop

yesterday I was hit in the stomach REALLY HARD with a faulty water balloon.
i swear.
i have like 700 of em.
jealous much?
dont be.
you can go buy a few bags for yourself if you want.
practically every store in the world sells water balloons.
my bags came with a special nozzle for the hose.

be what you want BITCHFACE

what the fuck do you know? oh nothing.
just kidding. I am not trying to come off all awesome or anything but I am just that.
I am awesome and everyone around me knows this to be true.
just ask.
and if they dont tell you how awesome I am its just cos they are afraid.
most of my friends are awesome too. so they wouldnt LIE.
and so if you are one of my friends consider yourself AWESOME ALSO.
and YES I like the word awesome.
and YES I do have a very large vocabulary.
I enjoy sticking to the basics. sometimes.
do you ever notice that you are not as smart as you think?
thats when you are the smartest.
do you get what Im saying?
no probably not. but anyways I like you. cause you are special.
BUT this is just a routine check up.
in a few hours it will be all forgotten.
my side hurts.

proud to be a part of this connected experience

I notice people constantly coughing nowadays.
its like gotta be a practical JOKE!
on me.
because its annoying ok
and so also today I saw a lady who in my opinion was looking really dumb.
she had on some of the worstest horriblest white high heeled sandals. and some fake titties.
her white dress was I guess cute but the sandals made her look so stupid. LIKEOMG!
so many people look so stupid in their clothes!!
and I actually prefer people to wear unflattering clothes.
gives me something to think about.
but I shouldnt talk now should I.
and who cares about clothes?
right?
thats materialistic and shallow.

i wish cameron diaz was MY friend.

grocery shop like a smart person would

GRAMMA KAE IS BACK FROM SAN DIEGO!
that means its a church day
i cant say how happy I am about that
i made dozens of chocolate chip cookies yesterday evening
i was putting myself in a good mood
BECAUSE eating and drinking keep life merry
for your information
i slept on top of the covers last nights like i was taking a nap
i would like to start sleeping outside more
you know
like a camper

without assistance from a human being

well there is BRAD.
he left my house for the weekend to go do whatever it is that he does.
he is 22.
he will be back probably like tuesday or something.
i watched CLICK last night for the 1st time and bawled my eyes out.
it was very sad to me. especially when he was saying goodbye to his father and he had to watch himself be a dick.
thats sad.
but in the END everything was reversed and he was YOUNG again and got a new CHANCE.
this morning at the breakfast table I announced to my husband that I would like to have that remote and fast forward to MY funeral and he said he would like that too.
i am sure he was just kidding and I am sure that I was just kidding too.
I would not fast forward one bit.
well, maybe.
i should put my bathing suit on.
I really wish I had some nice suntanning lotion.
I only have SPF 45 and aloe vera after sun lotion.
I willl have to use some olive oil.
that would reallly clog up the pool filter I bet. my uncle BOBBY used to have rules about his swimming pool.
NO OILS WHAT SO EVER!
that was his rule.
and my mom would be all FUCK YOU BOB I AM WEARING MY ThiCK ORANGE SLIME!
and she did.
and he would be like GOD FUCIKNG DAMMIT DONNA!!
and I would just sit there and listen.
but this post was going to be about BRAD.
i feeel like i dont know him that well.
but I feeel that way about everyone.
i remember yelling at him a lot and I hope that did not cause any damage.
he met me when I was 16.
he was 11.