Thursday, July 28, 2005

Cool Summer Games

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I am amazed at my lack of responsibility.
I do not want to do anything that I am supposed to do.
And a lot of times I don't.
I do the exact opposite.

Actually I don't like doing anything.
I don't like doing pretty much all the things my daily routine involves.
I could go on forever.
So what does that leave me with?
I am pretty sure that most people feel this way too but function pretty normally.
So it appears.

Just doing what they have to do.

Because they have
no choice in the matter.

I don't like that.
I need choices.
My opinion matters to me.
And if I don't want to do something why should I have to?
Why can't I just do exactly what I want?
Why isn't it okay to be selfish?
Why can't I love only myself?

Basically I can't have lunch with a friend because I have to bring my grandma to the doctors.
How horrible of me.
I guess I just feel that my time to myself, to do exactly what I want is very limited.
But maybe I don't deserve free time.
Ya know being a wife and a mother .
Not to mention daughter and grandaughter.
So I will just be all those things and never just Kathryn.
Now everyone is happy.
Everyone but Kathryn.
But too bad. She is a spoiled brat anyways!

But ya know I probably can have lunch tomorrow.
But it is more than just the lunch.
It is a trillion million things.
And they add up to this.
Resenting everything and everyone for needing me.
I need me too!

Identity. Who needs it?

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