You Are a Fruitcake

People pretend you're sweet and precious, but they know how weird you really are!

What Holiday Food Are You?

being alive is what its all about

oh no. people are sad.
i wont tell you what I mean exactly. its too sad for you happy people.
figures right when I feel happy and content the world goes all suicidal and crybaby on me.
i cant WAIT TO EAT A TURKEY AND CRANBERRY JELLY SANDWICH!
2008 is coming to town and I am getting all ready and charged for its arrival.
I wanna make 2008 feel comfortable and happy.
lets fuck.
what?
I have no weed so this post comes to you from clearheaded Kathryn.
boring I know.

pee and poop

i made this stupid drink called an autumn russian.
vodka, kahlua, pumpkin liquor, and a little milk.
it was kinda gross but it did the trick.
and it was orange.
the color of aggression.
i bought the 7.99 pumpkin liquor when I was allllll bipolar! and liking the idea of getting trashed holiday stylez.
and yes I am cool.
now i am gonna go watch apocalypto
tonght my xmas tree is up.

how wide is the web?

people should really quit smokingcigarettes.
i should quit eating all the food.
i keep forgetting to remember to buy nail polish remover.
knock knock
whos there?
peppermint and caramel together side by side
peppermint and caramel together side by side who?
peppermint and caramel together side by side
sounded too risky and a little wrong to me at first TOO but once I tried it i knew it was right.

sorry i dont love you anymore blog

JANET came back to her shitty home town of which I still inhabit.
wasnt that nice? yes.
and she pretty much spent her entire time with ME.
I know I know who wouldnt?
she is my lawyer.
last night we drank THREE bottles of wine.
and now it appears that I am bragging.
anyways,
I havent blogged in a LOOONG time huh
you miss me huh
you wonder about me huh
and my love life huh
well I am in love.
WITH YOU.
maybe i wlll tell you a story about the young and overweight animal control lady
young and overweight animal control lady started out by knocking on my door for a solid 30min a day 5 days a week last week.
i ignored her by taking showers and hiding under my bed
and its messy under there
she wants money for my 2 dogs.
money I dont care to fucking give to her or LA county.
fuck her.
but yes the other day w/my head high I caved and answered the god dang door thinking maybe I could talk to her and we could be friends and work this out as a team
ended up getting my feeling hurt and handing her a 50 dollar check for ONE stupid dog and she plans on coming back for another 35 on WEDNESDAY for my other stupid dogs. oh and she wants to see some paperwork I cant find.
and i dont think so.
ITS THE HOLIDAYS!!!!! FUCK A DUCK OR SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
JUST GET OFF MY PRETTY PORCH!!!
HO.
my porch really is pretty BTW.
all fancy with showflakes and twinkle lights.
EVERYONE IS JEALOUS~!!!!!!!!!!
I cant help it if I have what you want.

i am about to knock a bitch out

LA COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL YOU CAN FUCK YOURSELF.
they suck.
they are stealing my money. a fat cow actually and she is so annoying.
everyday she is in my face.
its ironic cause i am feeling like a cow and I am gonna make a special banana pie in a special little bit. just waiting for the cool whip ta thaw.
a fat special PIE.
I already ate some caramel.
i am very special.
YESTERDAY I bought some meatballs and that was a big fuck up, cause I hate meatballs.
HATE! theymake me wanna fucking PUKE all over the place.
but spending money on things is so fullfilling.
and AMY WINEHOUSE needs to shape up because I am in love with her.
I know there was once upon a time when I called her WHORE but I love her anyways.
love is blind.
I need to get in touch with her.
I was thinkng this while CLEANING my carpets! YESTERDAY and today I amstill thinking about it and I want to clean my carpets again.
crazy shit.
I am such a mother.

talking trash about how you are no good

sometimes I have to look at things more than two times
and listen to things more than twenty times.
I bought TWENTY SOCCER CUPCAKES TODAY.
I had to request that soccer balls be placed on each cupcake so that they would IN FACT BE SOCCER CUPCAKES.
It was amazing the way I handled that.
the scorpions pizza party is tonight and FUCKYES I AM PUMPED UP ABOUT IT!
we had a kickbutt season.
basically won every game.
the experience has been a HUGE confidence boost for me.
ME! me.
can I have the same team next yr too?
maybe not all of them have to be there BUT most of them,
JUST KIDDING!
ALL OF THEM. I LOVE THEM.
I swear.
I love everyone. but that doesnt mean anything special. we should all love eachother.
what was I saying?
stupid coco is chewing on my fucking bra and nothing is more irritating than a dog chewing on MY underwear right in the goddamnMIDDLE of MY SPACIOUS LIVING ROOm!
i have to go.
THIS IS ENOUGH you dont need anymore.

so adorable but do not trust you

i put some crap in my driveway that I dont need anymore and POOOF like a miracle it disappeared.
I just heard it vanish away.
GARTH BROOKS WAS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND or maybe it was Santana.
its blurry now.
can you smell that pumpkin pie I am baking?
I feel the holidays coming.
thanks be to god.
speaking of holidays
the last time I ate a banana it wasnt even GOOD! and I usually love all bananas.
so I wondered if something was wrong with the banana tree it came from.
hopefully NOT
hopefully it was just that ONE banana
hopefully not the whole fucking bunch.
whatever
fuck
you
on Tuesdays I have tacos.

i like to have a good time

i make the best sandwiches in the the world.
my world.
I can swing right over your world.
have you read that book? everyone else has.
but so yes I am a little bit nervous
plus last night I had really scary dreams with scary MONSTERS of all sizes big and small
and more scary things.
and a cute girl in a really cute pink convertible.
it was strange and very scary and a little sexy.
my dreams are always fucked. YEAH YEAH yeah yours ARE TOO I AM SURE WE ALL KNOW AND CARE.
let it go already.
i made salmon cakes for dinner.
i need a drink of ice water to wash this metallic taste out of my mouth.
whats the meaning behind that?
and I am gonna start to be a real bitch
if need be.
but I like you.

I just ate seven.

frank will be moving out this weekend.
he has to leave.
kiwi is my favorite fruit.
its kinda chilly outside so I am making a beef stew.
I am a housewife.

its the only one you'll want

remember when I had maids?
i miss them a lot when I clean a bathroom.
but its all okay
honey mustard and me are in love right now.
and when you have love you have everything.

my eyes are burning

thnak god I bought somehand lotion yesterday.
smells sooo nice.
tomorrow I think I will go buy some new stationary.
I have had the same stupid kitty CAT paper for long enough.
YEARS!
I wonder if I should SKIP the gym to go buy some.
GASP.
I am such a loser.
I wont skip the gym.
i will go after the gym.
and BTW bitches
i need some good knock knock jokes.
STAT!

ew!i heard a man fell into a wood chipper today in TUSTIN.
oh and I dnt care about anything HOLLYWOOD.
well maybe I do a little
but deep down I feellike fuck you hollywood!
what have you done for me? ever?!
but whatver
not really.
holly would is cool
hollywood.
remember that movie COOL WORLD.

BUT ANYWAY

I scratched my face just now because i dont know how to control my hands when I talk
so I scratch at things.
all this stuff is happening.

no harm done

the truth is I do have a lot of time to play with my hair.
and a lot of time to fuck around.
my house is clean though.
so anyways, blogging seems a little sad right now.
like my heart isnt into it the way it USED TO BE>
WHYDO THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE?
just kidding.
LISTEN UP!
some lady was a real cunt to me yesterday at church.
and manalive am I burnt up about it.
you know how when something happens and you are preoccupied with all the other bullshit going on around you and the something is said or done to you and you are like uhuh yeah yeah whatever but then later on after you process things
u want to KILL tHTA person and fuck the luck the moment has passed.
I should have been all EXCUSE ME RUDE LADY! WHAT DID YOU JUSTSAY TO ME?
but I was all oh ok. dur dur.
you know how that happens.
you know how the people try and fuck with your brain.
I ahte thta.
but really maybe I dont even care.

i dont care as long as you do it gently

owie.
and we still have halloween hanging around this joint.
time to move out.
i signed up for that nabobloplog thing or whateverthehell but thats dumb cause I missed NOV 1st.
what does that mean?
i cant win a prize?
someone could have better prepared me maybe.
I am going to go brush my teeth. last night I flossed.
you should think about your teeth and your gums too.
at least before you go to sleep.
my mom is having some teeth PULLED this week.
she is a big, stupid baby.

you did exactly what I was gonna do

my knee is still cute. THANK GOD.
i saw THE BEE MOVIE and liked it very much.
lots of HAHAHAHAs
i ate some gummy bears.
I went to a birthdayluncheon with my gramma and MOM yesterday and gosh that was annoying.
my mom kept saying FILET MIGNON in this annoying voice and talking about how GOOGLE is the next new amazing thing.
nodoby gets it. i wanted to pull the waitress aside and bond with her.
ask her if she thought it was possible for people to NOT be annoying?
no they cant.
people stare and talk so much.
its enough to depress.
i did have a fantastic salad with lots of different stuff init like apples, grapes, and nuts.

today is my birthday

I fell down in a parking lot. I didnt see anybody see me BUT I am sure people saw.
I scraped my knee pretty badly.
it was funny.
it was wonderful.
then I walked into the gym
told EVERYONE I FELL and showed EVERYONE my knee.
ITS MYBIRTHDAY!
I got HUGS, a shiny purple balloon with colorful confetti and streamers AND the letters spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY printed on it,
FLOWERS!, CUPCAKES, a pink sheet of paper with all my important scorpio info printed on it, AND a bottle of shiraz!
and I spun for an hour.
the balloon was on my bike. that was me.
oh and I was called pretty.
itsmybirthday.
it was funny that I fell.
I have wonderful people in my life.
I have to go now so my mood can shift and swing from here to there
and like it.