give me a whisper give me a sigh

zero clue where to begin. everything I want to say sounds dumb and too DRAMATIC.
I had a realllly bad night so I woke up late and felt rushed and flustered so things got out of hand and then I missed the gym and now I am sitting here in my gym outfit like a fucking lose r and what will I do with myself NOW?!
I would threaten SUICIDE but lately when I offer that as a solution to the problem the people tend to agree and start helping with the plan. so fuck that.
it is sick really, my life.
whats really disturbing is the enormous fire blazing in the backyards of friends of friends.
I prefer NOT to cry but sometimes its a must, and thats just nature.
I will go.
no? you want me stay?
ok I will.
today is already strange enough.
I do believe in a heaven above me. maybe there we can all be happy andmaybe even shit butterflies.
and I have never lied. I always tell the truth and I am honest.
Pretty much I tell the truth and I am the most straight UP person YOU know.
I say it I do it and I do not fuck around.
TODAY is my very good friends birthday and yet I feel kinda tragic and GAY but thats what makes being around me so FUN and distracting.
and yeah.
this post is a real downer so I will post again real soon with something less faggy.
i dont want any one to dislike me

you have really made it.

ok joan rivers is my least favorite person in the world. really.
my mom went to her late show once in LA and I remember staying up to see it and was totally let down and went to bed.
when was that? 85? 86?
now i think she still sucks and her new shitt show!
scary how everything stays exactly the same.
I am exactly the same person I was when I was 5 or 16.
right now
I am just waiting for 3's co. to come on.
one big new thing in my life that i can share is that I switched my birth control to another birth control and I am hoping to be rewarded with positive side effects.
tomorrow I have some goals I want to accomplish.
some goals come naturallly but some are always challenging.
I have an area downstairs that needs to be organized and set up with SNACKS and WHAT HAVE YOU.
something I have been meaning to do for OH 5 yEARS!
so really whats another day or another trip up and down these wonderful stairs of mine?
but no.
and just to let you know if I was to MEET JOAN RIVERS I would probably end up liking her and be a good friend to her.
maybe
never can tell.

duck and cover

these photo of me and sara are pretty cute.
I slammed her face into the ground that night with my smoothies.
she said they made her do poopy all day the next day. haha youre welcome.
TODAY I have all this stuff to do today and people to pick up and drop off its insane.
YES YES YOU do it too
I KNOW WE ALL DO THINGS AND HAVE STUFF TO DO
I am not the only one with life responsibilities. and some kids have more.
I did not even turn on any music today because I just dont have the time.
so now its easy to hear my dogs licking themselves like cats and some fly flying around
OH and I have an ant problem.
ALL BECAUSE the other day I said to some person that I have NO ANT troubles so the universe heard me say this and did something to fix that error because BY GOD! WE ALL NEED ANTS RUMMAGING THROUGH OUR HOMES!
invading our privacy.
mostly they are hanging out by the dog food and trash. which may be seen in the above photo.
or maybe I cropped it out.? I DONT REMEMBERwhat photo is being shown but yeah I am pretty sure its visible.
so maybean earthquake is gonna happen? like the ants KNOW things we don't because ANTS are actually smart.
you saw the moves.

I must brush my teeth and leave

hi sorry you kathryn addicts for lack of
anyways I have been eating candy and now I think I have to poop.
milled flax seed and chocolate does wonders.
its the truth.
I about to go on a mini bike ride. i dont think its that hot out today and thats a nice thing.
1005 is way to hot and thats how hot it gets in this VALLLEY.
I am a valley girl.
like for sure and junk.
i always leave my house too early so NOW I am trying to not rush around but I have this URGE to get up and rush around. the anxiety over being LATE! and more.
ah!
i am still cleaning up from all the PARTIES I have been THROWING
LIKE right now i see a wad of blue napkin on a shelf.
and thats really dumb.
why place a napkin there? who did that?
I know it was not YOU because you cant come here and do that in my upstairs living area because I would knock you out!
ok. I cant wait any longer I really mUST GO!
i wll TRY to come back again soon and do another little short fun story but most of the time I don't feel like.