Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Can things be any more stupid?
SO tonight we are training Drew to go to bed on his own, without one of us laying on the bean bag.
I can't begin to describe how painful this is.
He just says over and over how he wants to give us a kiss and a hug and tell us he loves us. His exact words are, "but I love you".
So we are picking him up and placing him back in his crib. Without saying a word. I can do it. It isn't nice. But I can do it. I guess because I know it has to be done. Well, whatever.
I am wondering if it is even worth it. I feel like I am physically hurting him.
Maybe the pain of wanting to be with one of your parents, who you love and feel safe with IS just as painful as a broken bone. If only he knew that he will be fine. That he can survive without us. He would be ok.
SHIT I don't know. Parents. They suck. And guess what. I am one. A helpless, scared, self loathing mommy.
I have one. I bet you do too. Maybe you are one.
Ok. So far during the course of this posting Drew has tried everything his bright little mind could think of. At one point he said he had to go poop in the potty. Good one. And then there was the peepee diaper where he said he would just change himself. All done through deep, crazy, rapid breathes. You know the ones you would have when you were a kid. You couldn't even speak. Just air and noice would escape, like some sort of seizure activity. Then after things have calmed down you would still spend a half hour recovering. Still breathing abnormally. FUnny. I wonder when the last time I cried like that was? Hmmm.........
Ok back to DREW!! Probably around the 11th go round with Drew is where I found it hard to hold back my laughter and tears. He walked slowly out of his room and so I preceeded to walk over to him, pick him up, and put him in his bed when he very calmly said, "hi. hey." Funny. Hello little boy.
Ok. Whatever. I have turned this into something HUGE AND EXCITING!! Or not.
I could start all over and tell you that before this all began I spent about 45 minutes searching for a missing tiger.
Drew HAD to have it for bed.
I searched. I found! Hooray!
I am tired I can't go on.
Well, Drew is finally asleep. We did it. I think we shall live.
I wonder how it will go tomorrow.

1 comment:

carrie said...

oh gosh. that's a good one.

i remember one time, when i was with dad, i didn't want to go to bed and he got mad and turned the light off and shut the door and it was black and i cried myself to sleep.

i have never liked going to bed.
that's why i always like to read in bed before i go to sleep.
it's a hard transition. so much exciting stuff is going on. how can you go to sleep?

but it's the bad parents that just don't make their kid go to bed.