would you mind showing me your identification?

what up bitchez? yep I am still packing this pad up yo.
yesterday I packed my lanterns.
that was cool and today I am gonna pack up some pictures in frames COOL HUH.
moving is the shit.
taking things off the walls is kinda sad. makes me feel SAD but accomplished...
I would reallly like a new coffeee pot. a nice sleek lookin one with a timer.
and I would like to fuck your mother up. maybe your grandmother.
let me ask you this:
ARE YOU TIRED OF MOTHERS AND WIVES DISCUSSING YOUR BUSINESS PLANS TO OTHER MOTHERS AND WIVES?
if so you can join my club.
yackity yak hos are annoying and they fuck the junk up.
who cares what I am doing or where I am doing it or when I am doing it?
obviously everyone and their boss.
being a celebrity like me can be such a bitch.
join a bunco club or something.
flies are annoying too.
go away.

i am the worlds greatest

I am moving
its a big one
I am already tired and have packed THREE boxes
and my whole entire house still to go.
i need more boxes and some bubble wrap too
go get me some, bring them to me and then do work.
i went dumpster diving around 8 am today and got like SEVEN whoopi doo
most of my stuff I am selling in yard sales to the dirt bag thieves.
everyone wants everything for a dollar.
dicks.
but I am going to stay positive and tell myself repeatedly that this is easy as pie.
easier than dying in this town.
also i have eaten a lot of cottage cheese today
and i love a salad with blue cheese and beets.
bye. wish me luck and stuff.

STUFF FOR YOU TO LOOK AT WHILE YOU SIT

ITS FUCKING HOT OUT. I really hate it.
and some person in a royal blue honda accord beeped their dumb horn at me with attitude a little earlier today when I was parking on a street.
FOR NOTHING. for parking and driving slow I assume.
I flipped the person off and said fuck yourself.
they have no idea what type of crazy bitch I am
I will straight up get out of my car, approach your window, instruct you to roll down your window and we will have ourselves a confrontation.
I am not scared of anything, especially someone who rollsaround in a honda beeping horns.
I am driving in a purple cadillac.
but whats the point?
i should not even bat an eyelash at that crap.
I need bread.
I need a protein shake.
i do NOT want to go outside again.
help me.

Did it storm last night, or did I dream it?

have you been watching the olympics like me? I enjoy it. i would like to be an olympian. and I dont think that olympians eat MCDONALDS chicken sandwiches. so those commercials are a lie. its more accurate to show fat lazy asses praising the Mcdonalds menu. WHO Do they think they are fooling? olympians eat salads, dried fruits and maybe an occasional nut.i had a dream that I got in some families FACE for feeeding their young son tequila. they were sitting the next table over giving him shots.
I WAS ALL: YOU KNOW ABOUT ALCOHOLISM DONT YOU!? YOU KNOW THAT ALCOHOL KILLSS DONT YOU!? AND YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULD NEVER BE OFFERED TEQUILA and they got all sad and sorry about it BUT then some heffer came over to my table and got all up in my face and started to fight me. and she was ahead of the game for about 10 seconds but I turned that situation around quick like and FUCKED HER UP! I beat the living shit out of that fat ho.
then I felt all bad about it. so I left the bar? and I had to travel down some rapid river to get home. I was worried abput losing my bags that I had to carry. OH and my friend sara went back into the bar to get the cell phone that she left inside. I tried to talk her out of it but she insisted and she never came back out and so I had to leave her behind and I felt bad about that too. I thnk they beat her up.
but I kept thinking to myself that she is a strong girl. AND THEN I started to think that MAYBE she was involved with those assholes.
but I am sure that she got beat up.
too bad I had to leave but it was scary.
when i woke myself up I WAS SOO fucking RELIEVED THAT IT WAS ALL JUST A scary DREAM.
you know the feeling.
youre like phewwy thank god thats not real. sleepy sleep.

I ate some kick ass mexican food last night.
buffet stylez.

HAAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SON OF MINE

do you know where this is? its a special spot for me.

i am on vacation so its like fuck you BLOGGER/ INTERNETS I am BETTER THAN YOU and your lame boring world.
san fran does cause me to have millions of tiny anxiety attacks because there is SOOOOO much to see and do and BUY and its impossible!
YIKES> and buses and trains and trollies and seals and bridges and
bread bowls and sundaes and seals and streets and fountains.
and we cracked some crab legs and I ate a jumbo sized sausage. I bet you wish I had a picture of that.
in the end I had a bloody shark bite cocktail and that really helped take the edge off.
also my son turned 6 yesterday, so THATS THE FUN PART.
MORE LATER! just cause I feel that you need it.
right now I need a shower.
here look at this till I get back.

public

these chips are good.
fucking delicious.
i am drunk.

burn all the photographs

I WANT THAT BIRDCAGE!
its located in littlerock, ca.
my birthday is in November so its perfect.
i dont really need a live BIRD to go inside it but that wouldnt be absolutely uncool.
I could purchase a bird anytime thereafter I receive the cage.
maybe birds are too annoying for me.
the cage is enough.
maybe a fake bird. or maybe a REAL LIVING yellow canary.
do birds get lonely? do they need friends?
so now I need 2 birds? finches?
get off my back about it.
a carpet cleaning man is coming to my house in a 45 minutes.
and I have dishes to do.
kitchens are pesky fucks.

OH MY JESUS

YOU are DUMB,
so dumb.
stop being so dumb.
my dogs were throwing up all over the house yesterday.
that was so NOT COOL.
and also the other day at the beach while boogie boarding I lost my camera in the SEA.
thanks a lot WAVES. THANKS A FUCKING LOT RIP TIDE!
but guess what my friends, I GOT A NEW ONE ALREADY.
AN ORANGE ONe!. its gorgeous. and I got a floatation strap.
THANKS TO ORLANDO!
THANK YOU ORLANDO!
and we saw pamela anderson.
I have to go now.
shit to do and people to see.
and parties to plan.