Saturday, March 12, 2011

Uneasy Ladybugs

at the rangeWhen it comes to shooting I am a sissy la-la. Fearful that I will somehow, someway lose all control and shoot something or SOMEONE I shouldn't. A GUN is a serious, powerful thing. So I have trouble pulling the trigger, and my trigger finger is weak. A purple gun with an easy trigger is what I need. ANYWAYS I wish I wasn't so chicken.
On to the next subject.
While running some Saturday errands I forgot to pick up TEA BAGS for my gramma and cottage CHEESE for me.
Cottage cheese is the BOMB! Throw in some pears or pineapple and BOOM POW! Color me satisfied.
My gramma and I don't get along too well. Its to the point where I can't even make eye contact with her.
Whats that about? Makes me feel like a failure. SO I am considering seeking some professional help concerning this relationship... I actually have a number of issues that could benefit from professional help BUT this is the one issue I feel comfortable talking to a stranger about. Genuinely thinking about contacting some therapist. To be totally honest I just want my gramma to go away. Admitting that out loud causes me to feel really shitty about that feeling and the thoughts revolving around that. BUT fuck man she is always stirring the SHIT around here, walking around with her walker and oxygen hose, sighing and getting angry when I do anything without her. When you LIVE with your gramma its VERY, VERY different then a weekly, " HI. How are you?" or a, "happy to see you" visit. CAtch my drift? can you understand??? AND when she sneezes she can't just sneeze once or twice she has to sneeze 200 times in a row. I KID YOU NOT.P2274866
enough. I've said too much. maybe not enough.
Death is so amusing isn't it. THe way it teases us and the way it sneaks up on us with no warning.
A young mother in my community died suddenly and tragically last week. A mother of 5 young children.
I can't understand it and I guess I am not meant to.
Devastating earthquake yesterday too. Hope this fault never goes off.
BUT HEY Spring is making its way into our lives and thats a positive thing! Time change and all that.
Flowing dresses and flip flops. Budding flowers and trees and baby birds.

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