Uneasy Ladybugs

When it comes to shooting I am a sissy la-la. Fearful that I will somehow, someway lose all control and shoot something or SOMEONE I shouldn't. A GUN is a serious, powerful thing. So I have trouble pulling the trigger, and my trigger finger is weak. A purple gun with an easy trigger is what I need. ANYWAYS I wish I wasn't so chicken.
On to the next subject.
While running some Saturday errands I forgot to pick up TEA BAGS for my gramma and cottage CHEESE for me.
Cottage cheese is the BOMB! Throw in some pears or pineapple and BOOM POW! Color me satisfied.
My gramma and I don't get along too well. Its to the point where I can't even make eye contact with her.
Whats that about? Makes me feel like a failure. SO I am considering seeking some professional help concerning this relationship... I actually have a number of issues that could benefit from professional help BUT this is the one issue I feel comfortable talking to a stranger about. Genuinely thinking about contacting some therapist. To be totally honest I just want my gramma to go away. Admitting that out loud causes me to feel really shitty about that feeling and the thoughts revolving around that. BUT fuck man she is always stirring the SHIT around here, walking around with her walker and oxygen hose, sighing and getting angry when I do anything without her. When you LIVE with your gramma its VERY, VERY different then a weekly, " HI. How are you?" or a, "happy to see you" visit. CAtch my drift? can you understand??? AND when she sneezes she can't just sneeze once or twice she has to sneeze 200 times in a row. I KID YOU NOT.
enough. I've said too much. maybe not enough.
Death is so amusing isn't it. THe way it teases us and the way it sneaks up on us with no warning.
A young mother in my community died suddenly and tragically last week. A mother of 5 young children.
I can't understand it and I guess I am not meant to.
Devastating earthquake yesterday too. Hope this fault never goes off.
BUT HEY Spring is making its way into our lives and thats a positive thing! Time change and all that.
Flowing dresses and flip flops. Budding flowers and trees and baby birds.

just a thought

Girl Scout cookies come at THE WORST TIME! UGH really little girls w lil bows and ribbon in your hair!??! WHY!? WHY must you sell these little, tiny, calorie, sugary, CARB filled THINGS @ 4 $'s a BOX NO LESS!? stupid bitches to be. SLUTS EVEN.
I was a brownie and I am sure when IIIIIIII sold them THEY were LESS EXPENSIVE AND LESS POISON PACKED! and I BET you got MORE for your buck and LESS lard for your ass.
SO yeah your welcome people of the 80's and NO I never moved up to be a Girl Scout COS I lost interest.
SURPRISE SURPRISE.
BUT no no I rant.
sometimes like a raving lunatic, I can go on and on for hours EVEN DAYS about something or someone.
I ate shitty today. SAturdays have that effect on me. but HA! HA! FUCK YOU SATURDAY SUNDAY IS COMING AND THEN MONDAY!
In your FACE. DICK FUCKER.
I don't know why I am so angry. Maybe the weather? Maybe my mom and your mom and the world has me alllll jumbled and discombobulated. Blaming others for my attitude is what I do best. THAT and eat crap. Its what we as the people do. I believe aliens read my blog from outer space/ far away in another galaxy and then THEY do reports and research papers ON IT.
on us.
But I'll be ok.
I think it would be super dope to get a cool and pretty license plate for my car.
MAybe the one with the PALM TREES so I can REP the beach cause I love you beach and I hate the everything else.

I am the captain and this is my shrine.

In like 2 hrs I am gonna be in heaven cause I am gonna BE EATING! hip hip yay for food, and sleep.
BLTA croissant sandwich is the the plan and NO FRIES. I WILL NOT HAVE FRIES. Fruit instead. I think. BUT I change my mind a lot. ANd fries are delicious and yeah.
SORRY I have decision making trouble. I am pretty sure I am just a human, with all the same doubts and agitation.
HUMAN BEING here.
Rotten bananas are in my kitchen and I really don't want to waste them so I better A) FREEZE THEM or B) make something with them.
Banana cupcakes? bread? more food deliberating happening. I promise thats ALL I think about. Food and love. Love and food. Normal human clutter.
I even delight in studying menus online. SOME have to be downloaded and I find that MOST ANNOYING. Its natural. my porn.
Being a food critic would be so AWESOME. Everyone can agree with that.
OKAY BESIDES my NEXT meal I am also looking forward to watching JERSEY SHORE tonight, BEST REALITY SHOW EVER.
I love Pauly D. who doesn't?
Justin Bieber is another celebrity I LOVE. Its natural. Saw his movie and IT WAS GOOD. Cried a lot through it. I am emotional. I am person who feels things DEEPLY. A deeply feeling person. Remember in the movie Beaches when Bette Midler says that in her interview??? That was funny and I am trying to be funny now. Not so sure it always comes across the way I want so I find myself explaining in more detail but then that even is WRONG. WHY bother???
watch this awesome video. FUCKING AWESOME MOVIE, seen it like 500 x's and I AM NOT KIDDING.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT NOBODY CARES

Kathryn ate wayyy too much cherry coca cola w LUNCH and is about to EXPLODE all over the place.
What A MESSSS I have become and am continuing to become and will always be.
BUT YEAH I'd like to take a brief moment here on this blog and announce that some people need to STOP thinking that the world cares.
WE DO NOT CARE about your boring crap LIKE Your bills, your paperwork, your ass or your cousins cousin from Wichita or Maine. Where the fuck ever. I dont even pay attn ALL I do know is that you annoy me.
Unless you are traveling abroad to NEW, fascinating and exotic places you need to get off your high horse.
6 am this morning I came to realize the FACT that I had NO more white bread and everything went sour from there.
WEll, 11 oclock am till about noon 30 was ok but THAT has passed and NOW IS NOW and NOW is this.
This is just for fun.

Monster of the Milky Way

I am blogging even though I am thinking NO, dont bother, FORGET it and who cares.
There is an infection that is leading up to my brain and down to my heart and throat and I may die!
I would never kid about something so cereal. Hopefully I can fix the probably before my funeral.
The weather is chilly to the bone and so am I.
I have been eating the egg in a holes all yr. I'd guess I've had 11. one everyday. maybe less. maybe.
less I m sure but they're good. 1st thing I ever prepared on my own besides a bowl of Trix.
Trix was always my cereal of choice in my youth.
Since this is a LOG of my life I should document that I have a really hard time sleeping.
This is what happens: I fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 2:30 am EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY! EVERY FUCKING DAY. 2:30. IF IF IF I am lucky I sleep till 3 am! THREE FUCKING O CLOCK IN THE MORNING, and I m restless. I don't know what to do w/myself. Where do I place my hands? my feet? my head? my everything. Where do I go? Should I walk around? WOULD that help? go outside? breath? WHAT DO I DO? nothing.
Laundry? nO. It's misery not knowing what to do with ones self. Like I want to get out of this body. JUMP OUT. restless. UGH. its tiring and yet not. First I blamed the mattress. Is it the mattress? Maybe the infection heading towards my brain and heart. That makes a little sense.
Not much sense.

Camera Phone

Can you believe the quantity of shit that people post as their facebook status?
Its pretty exhausting, to read and try to understand especially when the faces can't spell.
Is it cute to be dumb? Sometimes YES and sometimes no BUt its always cute to spell simple words correctly. I am not trying to say that I am super smart or anything close BUT I am not a total moron.
Oh and guess wha!t not one of us cares about your long winded boriinnng status.
We only care what you think about our short and sweet status.
I am the exception of course cause I really don't give a care what anyone thinks ever. ha.
This Weekend is awesome and I already treasure it.
'BOUT to go to a YOGA class in LANCASTER. Did it last week and it was challenging so this week should be good. THEN HWO HKNOS WHAT IWLL HAPPNE! sorry i am excited about LIFE!
Thanks for reading, thanks for browsing.
Thank YOU for thinking of me.

your number

It is December and I am not fucking around anymore people.
But blogging isnt as EASY as it used to be. or fun. everything is different. even the comments and codes and junk. I dont ever even look at any blog ever, and if I do I am all buzzed up and half asleep and bored. desperate maybe?

so hi there.
BUT This is what it is and how it be.
Lots of eggnog and white wine,
NOT mixed 2gether BUT NOW that YOU bring it UP that sounds like a fuckin good idea. YOu are so smart and full of genius.
I dont know.
I feel like venting. screaming and laughing.
I am happy.
My gramma is on oxygen and its a bother,
she should be getting home any minute now and hopefully a breaker wont burst or flip a switch.
Breakers are all sensitive and crap.
Soooo its all CHRISSSTTYmasy around our homes and the hoes are baking breads and quiches and shitzznit.
but remember I dont KNOW. anything.
I dont take my gramma to church and I am having some GUILT issues concerning that AREA of my life. ugh life. YOU know all its tricks and pranks. unbelievable the amount of bullshit that accumulates throughout a lifetime. what a book we could all write.
God is amazed I'm sure.
My phone is alll jammed UP with a million things thAT ARE useless and I am trying to fix that.
"Discard the bullshit", THATS the name of my movie.
YOUR MOVIE evenSHIT! YES! and YOURE WELCOME.
been making some crafts with my mom and thats cool and jolly with good ole santa claus stuff.
SAnta is all of us.
You are Santa.

its supper time...

All I really wanna say outloud is thank you Jesus for netflix,on Wii ! Really. Amazing stuff.

Lets blast forward to the here and now !

I tasted the rainbow tonight. An ENTIRE bag of Rainbow and now I feel all sugared up and noodle craving.
I just wanna go to bed, wake up tomorrow morning, cook up and eat my oatmeal, take a walk, go to a soccer game, drive to SUPER TARGET, pick up my tea and THEN head over to COSTCO to buy a fancy adding machine.
I have never before purchased an adding machine so I am looking forward to that.
Buying anything is great fun to me.
HELL! EVEN toilet paper and tampons are fun to buy.
Send me to the store for anything.
Need some type of colon cleanse, douche or ointment that you're too shy to buy?
I'll be happy to go.
what type of ladies douche anyways? sickos.
Back to tomorrow :
I should also get a pumpkin pie.
NOW we know whats going down.
So hi,
I had a SUCKY Halloween party and turned 31.
Visited the DEPT of MOTOR VEHICLES to renew my license and have my picture taken!!!
Dreaded the whole thing for way too long for no good reason at all. The experience was pleasant and painless THANKS to my good attitude and appt setting skills...
a friend suggested the appt so having some friends is helpful.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT! Probably in like 4-6 weeks.
Heres to hoping that it is as nice as my last DMV photo.
CHanged up my description a teeny bit too.
CHange is unavoidable.
The insane November heat is keeping us from enjoying my new birthday jacket but even that'll change eventually.
Right?

wtf

HELLO!