Kick the NewYear off with a Candy Apple

here is something I wrote days and days ago...............................

MAYbE this is the last blog post of the yr.
maybe i should make some resolutions here for 2012.
#1. Get a facial at a nice spa at least every other month if not once a month. (SERIOUSLY)
#2. Exercise 3-5 days a week OR MORE
#3. Drink more smoke less (negotiable)
#4. Read books
#5. Drink water the way I used to when I was in shape :(
#6. Get a life insurance plan (the one I've had for the past 10 yrs suddenly expired. such a waste of money. EXCUSE me for not DYING QUICK ENOUGH!)
#7. Get in shape
#8. Figure shit out
REsolutions are boring and pointless. But my list seems reasonable. Nothing to unrealistic. like for example I didn't list #9. Stop being an idiot asshole
Cause that is impossible.
2012 is going to be unlike anything we have ever experienced or could ever IMAGINE! and its going to fly by.

hahaha ridiculous.
..............
NOW at this current moment in time less than a hour left in 2011 i just want the same thing I always want and what we all want for oursleves and for one other;
to be cool, zenlike and calm.
am i right or am i right?
To let go. let go of regret and disappointment.
To love and to not think of the past, EVER. Its gone. But thats not possible. The past has created the now and the now creates the then.
It is possible to play some basketball and not care.

I want to get a lot more tattoos in twenty12. might as well.

Happy 2012.
Here is to being prepared to love and hate it all at once.

forever and ever

SO much work to be done everywhere.
My car is all shiny and freshly painted. SO now I don't want to drive ANYWHERE ever.
maybe there is some good when your car is junky looking.
A feeling of calm when its already all scratched and messy.
A "WHO CARES" ATTITUDE!
and that my friends IS the attitude we should all be striving for.
I want to want nothing. Ironic!!!
its only 9 am.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. I might go to my Mothers boat and I might not.
TIs the season of dilemmas.

SORRY WORLD

now i eat my oatmeal plain. no sweetener atall. Started this new thing today. FUCK TASTE. I really dont need it.
I'll still add creamer to my coffee and cont adding FLAX to the oats. Gives it a nutty flavor.
LAtely I feel like such garbage, yikes! is this the last full yr we will have as a semi functional SOCIETY?!
I think I am member of some society.
BUT YEAH as i was sayin',
last full yr ever is now cause in 2012 new shit is going DOWN!
so and I guess it will be yr 1 all over again?
BWHAHAHA CHAcHAHHCHA!!
anyways I am sorta kinda serious but I don't really have any REAL concrete ideas.
btw this oatmeal IS GROSS and its ok cause at least I have oatmeal. Some people have nothing. And I dont want to be an ungrateful bitch.
too many self photos on this blog for my taste but sometimes thats gonna happen cos the other photos I have taken are all too extraordinary for the internet...so there you have my thought on that.
STeam cleaning everything is a new hobby of mine!
Very rewarding to sanitize EVERYTHING ALL OVER.
Should be doing more if that right now because things are always getting filthy.
Disgusting slobs we are.
bye byes.
Time to break it down like I'm in control.

Eat Some Mini Tuna Sandwiches @ Midnight

Tried steam cleaning the fuck outta my cocina but turns out no matter how hard I steam it I still hate it, bUT it looks a bit better. SOYAY!
Thats called me looking on the BRIGHT SIDE.
AND SPEAKING OF THAT SOmeONE found my blog using the search words "nasty big butt". Really?
Thats AWESOME.
I know I had somethng to say on here but of course by the time I log in I forget.
Thats called me being an idiot.
Got the big Turkey. Hopefully its big enough to satisfy my HUGE APPETITE for leftover TURKEY SANDWICHES!
I need to purchase some brown sugar and fun stuff like that today, cause its time to get cooking and crap like that. I cleaned the kitchen so might as well fuck it all up & get buzzed.
Buzzin all day baking stuff.
Its holiday time.
Where is the magic?

SUNDAY FUNDAY MOFOS

WHere should I begin and where will it end? Gotta say I'm feeling slightly rushed to look at and enjoy Christmas trees today, yesterday and all the days of our lives and everyday after that. I thought the festival of fucking trees was always AFTER Thanksgiving NOT 3 WEEKS BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!!!! its too too quick.
EIther I go today or Tuesday maybe or not at all. SATURDAY I CAN"T cause its my sons soccer team party woo hoo. and SUnday they are gonna be taking things down and everythng will be picked over and torn up. UGH. SO its this Sunday and Tuesday MAYBE. Its not even Thanksgiving how can I care about trees???How about FESTIVAL OF PIES first!? Then move onto trees.
So there is that PLUS I need bread, plus the laundry is starting to get a mind of its own and I recently put it in its place so lets not get off track with that relationship.
I have to fit all this in and comb my hair! oh LIFE! YOU BASTARD!
HAd some oatmeal and coffee this morning, WOW SHOCKER I KNOW.
My legs are destroyed because I destroyed them yesterday at the gym!
I was sore before I was sore.
The gym is allll revamped and fancy smancy right now. NEW NEW NEW and its all for ME ME ME!
Ok.
This is really enlightening and fun but I need to go.

Bust a move

ew.in my opinion I loook FAT in that reflection picture
but yeah that was like a whole entire month ago so i BET I look SO SO SO totally different now. today. matters not really.
THIS Saturday I would like to drink coffee all day and get mad crazy on every piece of clothing I own and organize it. SO i need to find my inner organizational skillz.
whatever. I need to clean.
Clearly thats not happening while sitting here BLOGGING.
I need some discipline.
Lately its been chilly. This morning I was freezing.
In a few hrs I have bday/pizza party to go to.
It is FUNNY because I was invited to one party then UNinvited THEN invited to ANOTHER.
Big shout out to the universe for that save!
BTW If I hear that old friend song by Adele one more time I may shoot myself. and thats me LIKING her and her songs. Its just played OUT. over and over again and again.
what else can I blab about? the gym?
Let me break it down for you fellas
MONDAYS AT 8 AM
WEDNESDAYS from like 9am ish -11am
THEN Fridays @ 9am,
there you have it.
OH yeah now Im 32.
30 and 31 sounded good to me, but 32 sounds boring.
but I am just a sillygoosehead.

What's a-motto with you?

Trying to lose 30 lbs. Well actually 25 LBS and I am pretty confident that it will happen quickly because of my X-TRA XTREME dedication and seriousness over the matter. Only drinking water and tea. I MAY PERHAPS have wine BUT not yesterday or today.AND MAYBE a diet coke with Tacos.
Today I went to the gym for the 1st time in roughly 3 mos. It was great and I was surprised to think that I actually looked OK. Funny how I may think I look the same sometimes and then my jeans are like "nope".
Thats something I like to obsess over. Of course the people out there say that I look good for only 6 weeks postpartum. They are sweetie pies. hugs and kisses.
UGH Im so sick of myself. Ever been SO sick of yourself that every thought in your mind and even every NON thought that doesn't cross your brain is annoying to YOU.
even this blog post I was in such conflict over. going:Should I post? not post? I'll post. Really should I? do I want to? WHY? SHould I sweep the floors instead? Re paint my nails maybe? NO not now. WHO CARES!I'll quickly sit down and be lame and I'll post.
I need and would like to do more webbing and spookafying on the porch.
Truth BE TOLD I haven't done that much of the spookafying around here.
Other people have and it looks spoooky.
Awhile back I was having reoccurring nightmares involving Halloween arriving and not being prepared or ready AT ALL!!!
SO I don t want that nightmare to come to life.
But no Halloween Partay. Next yr maybe. who knows?
Next yr I'll be turning 33! This yr I am gonna be 32. sounds old but I am still so very young and stupid.
hakuna matata.

look at the PEACE. LOOK AT IT!!!

Oh my goodness.
There is a new version of blogger! who cares?
You know one thing I have been wanting to do for a long time now is update my flicker account. Like where I have to PAY. Because right now I am not really getting all that flickr has to offer! I must pay.
My Dezi Babydoll arrived.
Labor was fast, intense, and efficient. The universe decided that I had to get it done all by myself.
Which I did so now I can DO ANYTHING!
UNIVERSE SAYS GOOD JOB.
for now. The universe loves to challenge us to the point of DEATH.
SO I said hello to life one Saturday and the very next SaturDAY I had to say goodbye to another.
weird. hello. goodbye.
hi.
Be safe and cautious out there. The galaxy is huge. DOnt Wanna Float into the wrong one.

narrow-minded

ITS BEEN A LONG TIME! The VMAs are tonight! And I am 1 cm. such a life.
Yesterday I threw together a yard sale and made 30 BUCKS! I have a larger than life TV I'd like to sell and its in my garage. stufoid thing. NO body NOT anybody wanted it.
Had to stand in the desert in 105 degree heat waiting for my sons soccer coach to arrive for PICTURES. HE fucking told us 1 pm but HE didnt show till 1:50. ISnt that the rudest shitbag of a thing? yes Kathryn it is. SOOO let me tell you, he arrived and just walked on by like he is something famous and we all should just follow. WHICH WE DID...then I say where is our banner CAUSE I see that he has NO BANNER in his dirtbag hands. AND HE says with his dickface " whats important? THe KIDS or THE banner?? whats it about? THe kids or the banner?"
WHAT the hell? Anyways, my point was that we all paid for the banner and its PICTURE DAY and every other team is prepared and standing around with their coaches under an umbrella WITH their awesome banners waiting for their photo opportunity.
SO I sorta whisper called him an asshole. NOT too loud BUT he knew.
SOOOOOOooo HE walks his stupid butt over to me and says, " We have to talk about positive attitudes" AND I SAY something like my positive attitude left my body after standing outside in this god forsaken HEAT for 50+ min and where was HE!? andwhere is our banner? AND HE accused me of being JEALOUS.
I had to walk away.
THAT is the basic gist of the scene. give or take.
BOTTOMLINE, asshole.
We have had him as a coach before and looks like not much has change except his arrogance has tripled and so has my waist size.
You should tell me your opinion on this.
my moms new kitty since her old black cat died. Her name is Sabrina.
I would have liked to see her name be MATILDA or Dorthy.
I am gonna go into active labor anyday now.

yellow model chick

well, friends and family, I indulged in some wine the other night. Like an entire bottle. Not a HUGE JUG or BOX or anything but a bottle. Don't judge me. or do. I DONT GIVE A FUuuuck.
Gonna paint the baby room today, and stuff.
Paint is way over priced. Bottom line.
Last night while on a bike ride I saw a license plate that read "PJLUVDJ".
AFter the bike ride there was an attempt to take a walk around the block BUT 1/4 of the way I thought I was gonna crap my pants! soooo I had to speed walk back home to save myself from using the bathrm in some dark corner of your yard.... SO YOURE WELCOME!
that was exciting.
Baby shower this weekend and I am expecting a lousy turn out cause people are flakeY and have wayyyy better shit to do like stare at each other and go grocery shoppn for eggs and bread and other crucial things like gas up their cars.
Plus I don't know many people.
THe other day I was FORCED to make my oatmeal on the stove and came to the realization that I prefer it that way so thats what I do now.

whisper shit in your ear

that lost and confused lil hummingbird was trapped in mi casa a few weeks back and it was so EXCITING. I felt blessed by the experience. Was not even bothered that he caused me to be late for my spin class. more like refreshed.watching some Dane COok and he is KILLING ME right now. I've seen this shit like 100xs and its still just as funny. Seeny seen him in real lifey life front row actually. Kept us there till like 3 am! Very intimate setting. REMEMBER?!
He and LOUIS CK are my fav!
comedy is so comforting. An art really.
Major fuck up today. Bought my son a USED "call of duty" game for wii and he no likey and that PISSES me off BECAUSE I should not have bought the crap in the 1st place. SO WHY I ASK WHY DID I DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? no good reason. ALready purchased an over abundance of fireworks today so what THE fuck ME.
ohwells calm down, it was only a twenty one dollar game including the tax.
who cares in the grand scheme of things? you can't care.
well see ya.

boy oh boy

Had some necessary dental work done since my last post. Gained some weight too! Haven't smoked the grass since like JANUARY and I am dying! no no I'm cool BUT I really could use a small contact high.
I've had a few glasses of wine and a few gulps of beer spread out here and there. SO FAR I've gained like 40 lbs and thats pretty fucking stupid considering how much I continue to exercise. Only like 71 more days and I'll be sorta back to normal. Smoking blunts and getting drunk. Joking.
Personally I believe that my blood type determines how much weight I gain.
Its all water, boobs and blood and oh yea, baby.
I'm gonna go play some mario kart now and then I'm gonna go outside to tan my enormous body.
love me.

All Soap Operas Can Go Away

Bitches be crazy. Mostly THIS bitch right HERE. HI! Me.
SO lets just say don't fuck with me. I will cut you. HAHA so cliche.
My neck hurts from all the anger I am carrying inside my head. Heavy shit.
LET GO.
Even when I try to let go IT holds on. People are such assholes.
I guess I am too.
I don't wanna complain.
YEsterday was cool at one point cause there was a Hummingbird IN my house! It was very exciting. Lil bird flying around my upstairs and landing on this and that, looking around all adorable like. Finally the sweet bird found his way out the door. I said "GOODBYE! I love YOU" as it disappeared. Later in the day while sitting in the sun I THINK I saw him again, but two big black birds scared it away. for the best I suppose.
I'm hoping the hummingbird was a good sign and I am sure it is. New beginnings.
Maybe I should nap, and wake up with a new attitude. AN EASY BREAZY ATTITUDE.
SUmmer can start any day now.
love.

are you ready? I think so

I am pregnant.
22 weeks and 4 days today. Been SUPER over emotional these past 2 days, ANYTHING and I MEAN EVERYTHING makes me cry. Thats the most annoying thing, not being able to get a grip... that and my big butt and thighs BUT its all temporary. AS IS MY TIME IN THIS LIFE. ON THIS PLANET. SO I hear.
Just ate a strawberry shortcake w EXTRA whip cream IN BED.
Last night I dreamt of a HORSE. A rented horse I was using to get around town and it got sick and tired so I had to carry the thing around, and I was nervous that the HORSE would kick me in my face. I felt so sad for the sick horse. WOke up w the feeling that I knew the horse. Took me a minute to fully realize that it was all just a dream. A fucking weird horse dream. NEVER before have a dreamt of a horse.
Today I saw a horse fly. Those things are nasty and mean.
ANyways, I just wanted to blog real quick to document and share.
Life flies by so fast you don't have time to do all the shit you want.
Technical shit. NEW AGE SHIT. passes by without you if you don't pay attention.
Happy cinco de mayo, means nothing to me but I wish it did.

Uneasy Ladybugs

When it comes to shooting I am a sissy la-la. Fearful that I will somehow, someway lose all control and shoot something or SOMEONE I shouldn't. A GUN is a serious, powerful thing. So I have trouble pulling the trigger, and my trigger finger is weak. A purple gun with an easy trigger is what I need. ANYWAYS I wish I wasn't so chicken.
On to the next subject.
While running some Saturday errands I forgot to pick up TEA BAGS for my gramma and cottage CHEESE for me.
Cottage cheese is the BOMB! Throw in some pears or pineapple and BOOM POW! Color me satisfied.
My gramma and I don't get along too well. Its to the point where I can't even make eye contact with her.
Whats that about? Makes me feel like a failure. SO I am considering seeking some professional help concerning this relationship... I actually have a number of issues that could benefit from professional help BUT this is the one issue I feel comfortable talking to a stranger about. Genuinely thinking about contacting some therapist. To be totally honest I just want my gramma to go away. Admitting that out loud causes me to feel really shitty about that feeling and the thoughts revolving around that. BUT fuck man she is always stirring the SHIT around here, walking around with her walker and oxygen hose, sighing and getting angry when I do anything without her. When you LIVE with your gramma its VERY, VERY different then a weekly, " HI. How are you?" or a, "happy to see you" visit. CAtch my drift? can you understand??? AND when she sneezes she can't just sneeze once or twice she has to sneeze 200 times in a row. I KID YOU NOT.
enough. I've said too much. maybe not enough.
Death is so amusing isn't it. THe way it teases us and the way it sneaks up on us with no warning.
A young mother in my community died suddenly and tragically last week. A mother of 5 young children.
I can't understand it and I guess I am not meant to.
Devastating earthquake yesterday too. Hope this fault never goes off.
BUT HEY Spring is making its way into our lives and thats a positive thing! Time change and all that.
Flowing dresses and flip flops. Budding flowers and trees and baby birds.

just a thought

Girl Scout cookies come at THE WORST TIME! UGH really little girls w lil bows and ribbon in your hair!??! WHY!? WHY must you sell these little, tiny, calorie, sugary, CARB filled THINGS @ 4 $'s a BOX NO LESS!? stupid bitches to be. SLUTS EVEN.
I was a brownie and I am sure when IIIIIIII sold them THEY were LESS EXPENSIVE AND LESS POISON PACKED! and I BET you got MORE for your buck and LESS lard for your ass.
SO yeah your welcome people of the 80's and NO I never moved up to be a Girl Scout COS I lost interest.
SURPRISE SURPRISE.
BUT no no I rant.
sometimes like a raving lunatic, I can go on and on for hours EVEN DAYS about something or someone.
I ate shitty today. SAturdays have that effect on me. but HA! HA! FUCK YOU SATURDAY SUNDAY IS COMING AND THEN MONDAY!
In your FACE. DICK FUCKER.
I don't know why I am so angry. Maybe the weather? Maybe my mom and your mom and the world has me alllll jumbled and discombobulated. Blaming others for my attitude is what I do best. THAT and eat crap. Its what we as the people do. I believe aliens read my blog from outer space/ far away in another galaxy and then THEY do reports and research papers ON IT.
on us.
But I'll be ok.
I think it would be super dope to get a cool and pretty license plate for my car.
MAybe the one with the PALM TREES so I can REP the beach cause I love you beach and I hate the everything else.

I am the captain and this is my shrine.

In like 2 hrs I am gonna be in heaven cause I am gonna BE EATING! hip hip yay for food, and sleep.
BLTA croissant sandwich is the the plan and NO FRIES. I WILL NOT HAVE FRIES. Fruit instead. I think. BUT I change my mind a lot. ANd fries are delicious and yeah.
SORRY I have decision making trouble. I am pretty sure I am just a human, with all the same doubts and agitation.
HUMAN BEING here.
Rotten bananas are in my kitchen and I really don't want to waste them so I better A) FREEZE THEM or B) make something with them.
Banana cupcakes? bread? more food deliberating happening. I promise thats ALL I think about. Food and love. Love and food. Normal human clutter.
I even delight in studying menus online. SOME have to be downloaded and I find that MOST ANNOYING. Its natural. my porn.
Being a food critic would be so AWESOME. Everyone can agree with that.
OKAY BESIDES my NEXT meal I am also looking forward to watching JERSEY SHORE tonight, BEST REALITY SHOW EVER.
I love Pauly D. who doesn't?
Justin Bieber is another celebrity I LOVE. Its natural. Saw his movie and IT WAS GOOD. Cried a lot through it. I am emotional. I am person who feels things DEEPLY. A deeply feeling person. Remember in the movie Beaches when Bette Midler says that in her interview??? That was funny and I am trying to be funny now. Not so sure it always comes across the way I want so I find myself explaining in more detail but then that even is WRONG. WHY bother???
watch this awesome video. FUCKING AWESOME MOVIE, seen it like 500 x's and I AM NOT KIDDING.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT NOBODY CARES

Kathryn ate wayyy too much cherry coca cola w LUNCH and is about to EXPLODE all over the place.
What A MESSSS I have become and am continuing to become and will always be.
BUT YEAH I'd like to take a brief moment here on this blog and announce that some people need to STOP thinking that the world cares.
WE DO NOT CARE about your boring crap LIKE Your bills, your paperwork, your ass or your cousins cousin from Wichita or Maine. Where the fuck ever. I dont even pay attn ALL I do know is that you annoy me.
Unless you are traveling abroad to NEW, fascinating and exotic places you need to get off your high horse.
6 am this morning I came to realize the FACT that I had NO more white bread and everything went sour from there.
WEll, 11 oclock am till about noon 30 was ok but THAT has passed and NOW IS NOW and NOW is this.
This is just for fun.

Monster of the Milky Way

I am blogging even though I am thinking NO, dont bother, FORGET it and who cares.
There is an infection that is leading up to my brain and down to my heart and throat and I may die!
I would never kid about something so cereal. Hopefully I can fix the probably before my funeral.
The weather is chilly to the bone and so am I.
I have been eating the egg in a holes all yr. I'd guess I've had 11. one everyday. maybe less. maybe.
less I m sure but they're good. 1st thing I ever prepared on my own besides a bowl of Trix.
Trix was always my cereal of choice in my youth.
Since this is a LOG of my life I should document that I have a really hard time sleeping.
This is what happens: I fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 2:30 am EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY! EVERY FUCKING DAY. 2:30. IF IF IF I am lucky I sleep till 3 am! THREE FUCKING O CLOCK IN THE MORNING, and I m restless. I don't know what to do w/myself. Where do I place my hands? my feet? my head? my everything. Where do I go? Should I walk around? WOULD that help? go outside? breath? WHAT DO I DO? nothing.
Laundry? nO. It's misery not knowing what to do with ones self. Like I want to get out of this body. JUMP OUT. restless. UGH. its tiring and yet not. First I blamed the mattress. Is it the mattress? Maybe the infection heading towards my brain and heart. That makes a little sense.
Not much sense.